INTRO AMIR: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir! JAKE: Okay, open the door! He farted in the booth. AMIR: Lock the door, please. [Jake and Amir are away from their desks. Jake has a sandwich. Amir is staring intently at him. Jake takes a bite. Amir keeps staring.] JAKE: Do you want half of my sandwich? [Amir shakes his head.] JAKE: Okay, well, don't ask me to eat lunch with you if you don't have any food, at all. I keep telling you-- [Jake begins choking on a piece of sandwich.] AMIR: You keep on telling me to [imitates choking noises]? Heheh, what is that? [Amir chuckles as Jake struggles to breathe.] AMIR: Heheheh! Come on, laugh! That's funny. I laugh at all your jokes, and trust me: they are not all winners. [Jake is holding his throat, and still having trouble breathing.] AMIR: Okay, what is this? [Amir copies the gesture Jake is making.] I never studied the universal symbols for stuff. [Jake tries to respond, but can't.] AMIR: How 'bout this: If you're really choking, spin around in your chair. [Jake frantically spins around, then looks at Amir intently.] AMIR: Nahhh. Not buying that! Not buying that at all. That's a fake spin; you're just spinning to make it seem like you're choking because I told you to spin. [David comes in.] DAVID: Jake's choking! AMIR: No no, this is just a game we're playing, okay? And you're not invited. So leave. [As David leaves, Jake claws at the air in an attempt to get his attention.] AMIR: Sorry, it's just that if this isn't a goof, it should be me that saves you, not some... other loser, alright? Amir saves Jake. That's... that's the lead. [Jake falls out of his chair. He slumps to the floor and stops moving entirely. Amir just shakes his head. Then Amir slides Jake's sandwich toward himself.] AMIR: I'm gonna eat your sandwich... so if you're alive... better stop me... [Jake lies motionless on the floor. Amir begins eating his sandwich.] AMIR: Okay... great acting job. The best Actor... -Grammy... goes to... you! [pause] You didn't laugh at any of my jokes... and now I'm not gonna save yours. [pause] Um... [pause] Ummm... [impersonating Trump] You're fired! [pause] Hm. Wow... you know, I gotta hand it to you, man... didn't think you'd take it this far! Hm. Aah! [Amir throws the bread from the sandwich at Jake.] AMIR: You know what? Now I wish you are alive, because if you're dead, people are gonna blame me... and you're gonna feel... like a pony. [pause] Okay! This has been a dope lunch, thank you, but I don't deserve this star-treatment. So. [Amir leaves Jake alone. Jake lies motionless on the floor. The only sounds are background noises of the office. Then Jake sits up.] JAKE: Come on, did that really not look real? END