INTRO: Jake - Hey, you're watching Jake an-- Amir - I'm really, really sorry. I just have to pee, one second. Jake - Damn it. Amir - Sorry. JAKE: Remember when I was 4 and you were 11 and you stole Robbie McGuiness's bike and you blamed it on me, and his friends beat the s**t out of me? (They laugh) KUMAIL: Yeah, how many stitches did you get for that? JAKE: Forty-eight! You didn't even try to stop them! (chuckles) KUMAIL: Stop them?! I told them where you were! (They laugh some more) KUMAIL: Hey, can I borrow 50 bucks? JAKE: Yeah man, why? KUMAIL: Oh, so curious. That's why we called you the 'Curious C**k'. (Jake laughs) KUMAIL: Make it 60. JAKE: Absolutely, I'm going to go to the ATM. (Jake leaves) (Kumail gets onto Jake's computer) KUMAIL: Geez, he doesn't save any of his Bank of America passwords. AMIR: How's your business plan? KUMAIL: Oh, my business plan of stealing money from Jake? It's going really well, thanks for asking. AMIR: You know he trusts you. KUMAIL: Yeah. I know. That's why he's giving me all his money. Geez, you are dumb. AMIR: What's you goal-I mean, what's your goal here, I guess. KUMAIL: It's called flying in your Russian girlfriend to Miami so that you can start a new life with her. Geez, what don't you get about this scheme? AMIR: I-I get it, I guess. I just, I don't know, I never, I didn't-I didn't know what the scheme was. KUMAIL: You know what? I'm leaving tonight, so keep your trap shut until then and we'll be all good. (Jake is returning) AMIR: Yeah, tell me about your scheme-- JAKE: Hallo, mate! 'ere you go, 100 big ones! Forty extra so you don't have to ask again. KUMAIL: Thanks. AMIR: Jake, can I, uh, actually speak to you tonight, in private, please? JAKE: Ooo yeah, that's tempting but f**k no. I'm going camping with Kumail this weekend (Kumail mouths 'No we're not') and I have to go home and pack. KUMAIL: All right, Jake buddy, I am out. Remember our plan, OK? JAKE: Absolutely, we meet outside the Harlem train station at midnight, with all our gear including the biggest tent imaginable-- KUMAIL AND JAKE: And don't take a cab!! JAKE: (laughs) See you then! THE END. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-R1Cp6hkew