INTRO: (silence) Amir- Ah, sorry I'm late. Uh, you're watching Jake and Amir. AMIR: So, how was dinner last night with your long lost bro? JAKE: Uh, it was good. It was expensive, but it was good. AMIR: Sounds good. Sounds expensive but it was good. JAKE: You're just repeating what I say. AMIR: Can't prove that. Why was it expensive? JAKE: Uh, it's just that Kumail doesn't have like any money right now so I had to pay. AMIR: He doesn't have any money? JAKE: No. Not right now. But he has like this insanely good business idea which is why I invested my last $5,000 in it, and uh, it's going to make both of us rich. AMIR: Insanely good business idea? JAKE: Yeah, it's called scale.com. You step on your laptop and the site will actually weigh you. AMIR: OK. That's MY idea, BITCH! JAKE: I'm kidding! You think I would tell you the business idea? I don't even know it yet. AMIR: But you said it was insanely good? JAKE: It's called trusting someone. Your brother. AMIR: My brother? JAKE: My brother. AMIR: Your brother? JAKE: Shut up, all right? Nevermind. AMIR: Jake, I don't think Kumail is the trustworthy guy you think he is. JAKE: Why? Because I want to hang out with him more than I want to hang out with you? AMIR: Yes, that. And yesterday when you were in the bathroom, he was like digging around, looking for pay stubs or whatever. JAKE: Wow. AMIR: Yeah, so . . . JAKE: You've kept me from my own surprise party, you've spied on me in the bathroom, you poisoned my food, but this is a new low. AMIR: Yes, but have I ever lied to you? JAKE: Yeah, sure. You told me you had 60 beers once. You said you never drop anything. You said you had some new girlfriend-- AMIR: OK, shut up! JAKE: NO, YOU SHUT UP! My brother is finally back and I'm happy and he's going to make us both rich and for once I'm not going to let you f**k it up for me. AMIR: Frine! JAKE: Frine or fine? AMIR: I don't know, why don't you ask your brother. He seems to know everything! JAKE: You know what? Maybe I will, because he's in the kitchen right now and we're going to get lunch together, bitch! AMIR: You're a bitch! JAKE: You're a bitch. AMIR: You're the bitch. JAKE: You're a bitch's bitch. (beat) Nothing? AMIR: You're a ... bitch's bitch. (Kumail is in the kitchen with Sarah attempting to juggle) KUMAIL: You know, Jake said he worked with a bunch of 5's and 6's but you are a legit 7. SARAH: (chuckles apprehensively) Uh, thanks. KUMAIL: I probably see myself doing you if you know what I mean? SARAH: Wow, that's pretty clear-- JAKE: Hey, Sarah! Did you meet my brother, Kumail? SARAH: Yeah, just did. JAKE: Cool. KUMAIL: Lunch time? JAKE: Absolutely man, where to? KUMAIL: Wherever. You're paying. (they laugh) Come on. SARAH: No. Why would I ever -- (an orange is thrown violently at the wall next to Sarah) THE END. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ymm9Tb7XwCU