Jake and Amir are at their desks Pat is sitting at his desk JAKE: (to Pat) Oh hey Pat, PAT: Yeah? JAKE: Can I ask you about your book? PAT: Really? AMIR: (Laughing) Pat's reading?! JAKE: (To Pat) I just want to know what you're reading actually. PAT: Oh I didn't know you were interested in this. AMIR: (Still laughing) Yeah I wanna know what you're reading too actually, gimme the book. Lemme see it. PAT: (Handing the book to Amir) (To Amir) Sure, absolutely. (To Jake) I just can't believe you guys wanna hear--it's one of my favorite book it's called Portnoy's Complaint. AMIR: (Over Pat) (Laughing) Yeah, yeah I think it's my favorite book. JAKE: (To Pat) Oh, you know I've heard of that. What's... PAT: Well it's about this young guy who grows up in New Jersey... AMIR: (Over Pat) (Still laughing) (Flipping through the pages with the book facing Jake, so he can see) Jake look. It's all text. PAT: Jake are you even paying attention? JAKE: I'm sorry-I'm sorry yeah. AMIR: (Laughing) (Over Jake and Pat) Jake. Jake there's no pictures. PAT: Anyway it's about this young guy who grows up in Newark, and he has this really overbearing fam-- Amir rips a page out of the book and laughs. PAT: (Angrily) What the hell?! AMIR: Relax it's called a practical joke. Jake makes you think like you're not a worthless nerd for half a second... JAKE: No. AMIR: ...and I destroy your book. PAT: (To Jake) Jake. JAKE: (Disbelieving) You're just gonna believe him? PAT: That's how it works? JAKE: No that's not how it works! PAT: (To Jake)Little comedy duo, Abbott and Costello... AMIR: (Over Pat) Relax, yeah we're Abbaca salads. Just relax. PAT: (To Jake)...you set me up, he knocks me down. AMIR: Yeah, you set me up and I'll knock his down. Jake tries to say something, but Pat doesn't let him. PAT: Why don't you move into an apartment together? Write sketches.... AMIR: (Over Pat) Hey, come on now! Relax! Jake, Amir, and Pat all talk over each other. JAKE: (Sarcastically) Yeah what a great idea, move into an apartment with my best friend (inaudible) over there. AMIR: Guys SHUTUP for a second. (Jake and Pat shutup.) Jake, we should live together in an apartment. I told you that my dad says we could spend 10,000 dollars a month on a loft. JAKE: (Surprised) What? AMIR: What? PAT: (To Jake) Fuck you. JAKE: (To Pat) Fuck you! Jake and Pat slap at each other. PAT: (As he gets up to leave) Alright, forget the whole thing, alright. As Pat walks by Amir, Amir hits him in the leg with the book. PAT: (Falling, in pain) Ah! Amir tosses the book towards Pat. Black screen. Pat is in a small room talking on the phone. PAT: Hey, Mom....it's Pat....your son....you were right about the books....they just wanted to rip them up.