INTRO: (2011-2012 Jake and Amir Intro with no voiceover.) [Amir, Sarah, and Rosie are standing by Amir's desk. Amir takes the gift bags given to him by Sarah and Rosie.] AMIR: Ohh my God, thank you so much, I needed two bags!! (laughs) SARAH and ROSIE: (clapping and cheering) Happy birthday! AMIR: Thank you!.. (Jake enters, wearing large headphones and holding an iPad box.) AMIR: WHOA. JAKE: What? SARAH: iPad. AMIR: AAAAhh-aaah! (Jake takes off his headphones and smiles.) AMIR, SARAH, and ROSIE: (chanting) iPad! iPad! (Jake starts dancing along with the chant as he walks over to them) iPad! iPad! iPad! iPahad (turns into Amir laughing) Yes! JAKE: Boo-yah! (sets iPad box down on Amir's desk) Ha-haa! AMIR: (taking the box) Thank you so much! JAKE: Whoah! AMIR: Whoah indeed! This is like... the best birthday gift ever- no offense the the bags, I really needed them-- SARAH: None taken. JAKE: (obviously hiding the fact that he forgot) That's right, it's your birthday! AMIR: (starting another chant) Best gift ever, (Jake, Sarah, and Rosie all join in) best gift ever, best gift ever... (Amir laughs) JAKE: (laughing) That is awesome, yeah. Of course that is yours, and I shall leave it with you, namaste! (bows) AMIR: (bowing twice) a- HENRY! uh- HENRY! So, thank-- Wow, 3G? Isn't there like a monthly cost associated with that or-- JAKE: Paid for, in full, by me, for you. AMIR: Wow, I (Sarah puts her arm no Amir's back, and he jerks his back, making her retract her arm) don't know what to say, thank you, I guess-- JAKE: All I want in return is a high five. (offers a high five) AMIR: Gladly. (laughs; goes for the high five, but misses and ends up smacking Jake's shoulder) Whoa, sorry about THAT-- (Jake grabs the box from Amir's hand.) JAKE: This is mine now. AMIR: What? JAKE: (mocking Amir's tone) What? (normal) I try to give you a golden gift, and you spit in my face? You gotta learn how to be gracious, man, that was just rude. I'm taking this back to the store tomorrow. AMIR: (reaching for the box) Just gimme the iPad back! JAKE: WHOA! Are you nucking futs? I try to give you a golden gift and you sock me in the face. How's that for fair? SARAH: I think you're overreacting, Jake. ROSIE: I think you just got that gift for yourself. JAKE: Are you nucking futs, Rosie? Are you a nucking futcase? Hey, here's a question: if I bought this gift for myself, why'd I do this? (slams it down on his knee) AMIR: No! (Jake continues to ax kick it in the desk, then stomp it on the ground.) SARAH: That's-- (Jake grabs Amir's bags out of his hands) AMIR: Why-- (Jake throws them on the ground, then stomps everything furiously.) AMIR: (Somehow holding the backs again) Why? JAKE: How's that for overreacting, bitch?! (He puts on his headphones and walks away. He turns around and holds his arms out, in a what now? manner.) (The audio of the next scene starts before the video.) [Jake is in another part of the office, on the phone with Apple support while examining the crushed iPad box.] JAKE: Yep, that's H-U-R-W-I-T-Z, and the iPad was broken. JAKE: Well it's under warranty so I'll tell you exactly what happened. I broke it over my friggin knee, and then I stomped it, with my friggin boot! (laughs) JAKE: Yeah I activated the warranty, they do that for you.. automatically in the store, alright, sister? JAKE: Ok. JAKE: Wow, alright. Then I'll do it now. Then I'll activate the warranty now. JAKE: (shaking his head) You gotta-- you gotta learn how to be funny, man. (the video cuts to black) I expect a full refund. You gotta be nucking futs!