Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. Amir: Have you seen my house? Amir: Whoa, awesome. Nice. Jake: Weird thumb. Amir: Bezos give you a little goodie bag after fucking you? Or how did that work? Jake: Can you just not today? Amir: No, I'm excited for it. What's in the box? What's in the box? Is it like a Twinkie, maybe some lube or a condom that Jeff used after raw dogging you probably? Jake: So then it wouldn't be raw dogging, right? Amir: Fuck off. You prick. Jake: Calm down. Amir: No, I don't think I will actually calm down because what you're doing is really irresponsible. It's actually really irresponsible. Jake: I'm just shopping on Amazon. Amir: You're just being utterly exposed, data-wise. I mean, at this point, I might as well post this picture I took of you on the toilet to Twitter, man. Jake: Delete that! Amir: Come on. Hey, tell me you don't have a Ring Cam without telling me you don't have a Ring Cam. Jake and Amir: What? Amir: Your smart home is actually making me pretty dumb. Jake: Yeah, I think it is. Amir: Yeah, Nest thermostat, Google Home, Google Chrome. Jake: Stop! You're not smart enough to connect any dots. Amir: How's this for being smart? I shoved an Oura ring up my ass. Jake: I don't know, not? Amir: Yeah, but you know what data it sent back to my phone? Jake: Probably none. Amir: Exactly right, you're starting to get it. You have to wear it on your hands. Let me ask you, what do you use for in-dash navigation? You have a TomTom, a Garmin? 'Cause you won't shut up about me not having one. Jake: You're saying you don't use any products at all? 'Cause I think you have a phone, right? Amir: I use Apple products occasionally, and I'll DoorDash here and there, maybe a Postmates or two. Jake: Yeah, toss me your iPhone. Right? Like a light toss. Amir: Sorry. Rotator cuff injury plus an Oura ring like tore up my ass yesterday for some reason. Jake: Yeah, so you have over a thousand apps. Amir: In a way, yeah, in a way. Jake: One is just your social security number. Amir: Just in case I forget it. Jake: Looks like your lock screen is your passport. Amir: Just in case, 'cause online security is sort of a side hustle / piece of mind. Jake: You're running several Chinese tracking apps. Amir: Yeah, all the better to fuck Musk with. Jake: One of these apps appears to be actively FaceTiming with a Russian spy. Amir: Hang up. Jake: I don't know how, it's all in Russian. Amir: Bezos, Branson, and Musk, three names you don't know if you should trusk. The race to space is actually the race to erase your space. They're coming for every last second of your attention span. Jake: You're running a live stream right now. You're streaming to camwhores.tv. Amir: I'm sorry, Fark-zuck-cyborg. I'm sorry your robots caught me fapping. I guess it's better than catching me napping. Jake: I'm throwing this out the window, okay? Yeah. Amir: Do you want me to jailbreak your hackintosh? Seriously, I really think I can run Linux on the entire Kazaa operation. Jake: I'm good. Amir: Hey Siri. Jake: No, where's that coming from? Amir: Inside me. I also shoved a little iPad Nano up there. Jake: An iPad or an iPod? Amir: iPad, or iPod, the little, the music, the square one. That's like, kind of like, you're supposed to clip it here, but I put it in my ass. Jake: In your ass, yeah, yeah, I know. Amir: Let's see Jobs try to find that. Jake: Steve Jobs has been dead for 12 years. Amir: He just died? Jake: No. Amir: Wow, I didn't know that. He led an amazing life. What else can you say? He was an amazing woman, whether you agree or not. He was an amazing woman that led an amazing life. I'm actually sad to hear that.