[Introduction] Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake Amir. Amir: Hey, starting when? Jake: Now. Amir: So say that! [Jake is sitting on the toilet, playing Angry Birds] Jake: Take that, pig f***er. Amir (knocking on the stall door): Hey! Jake: Someone's in here. Amir: Jake! Jake! Jake: Yeah, I'm in here. Amir: Where are you? Jake: In the- Where are you? Right? You're in the bathroom. So, where am I? In the bathroom. Amir: Okay, you just left your desk two minutes ago and you didn't say anything. Jake: I said I'd be right back! Amir: sighs What does that mean? Jake: It means I'll be right back and not to follow me to the bathroom. Amir: Okay, should I chill out here, or you want me to wait for you? Jake: Just chi- Okay, I see what you did. Neither. Alright? Just go away. Amir: Hey! Let me in, okay? Somebody's coming. Jake: No. (Amir scoffs. coworker enters the bathroom) Amir (in a Boston accent): Hey! Get outta here! Nobody's takin' a poop here! Mind your own bees! (Coworker leaves) Jake: Hey, whoever that is, don't worry, you can go to the bathroom. It's fine. Amir: He already left. Jake: Come on man. We have to work here, right? Amir: How much longer do you have in there? Jake: I don't know, alright? I can't exactly go to the bathroom with you here talking to me. Amir: Fine, fine. I'll stay, but I won't say anything. Jake: That makes no sense, but fine. (Brief silence broken by Amir making a high pitched noise.) Amir: Hey, I read on Yahoo News that laptops are cooking people's- Jake (interrupting Amir): Hey man, you just said you weren't gonna say anything. Amir: Alright, fine, okay? Keep it mum, alright? Mum's the word. Jake: Thank you. Amir (To the tune of War by Edwin Starr): Mum! Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! (Amir kicks in the stall door and falls to the floor) Jake: Jesus Christ, man! What is wrong with you? Amir: Me? You said no talking! That was a kick! Jake: Yeah, you were singing! Amir: Oh my god! Singing isn't talking. Jake: Yes it is! Amir: Why do I- Why do I bother? Why do I bother if you're just not gonna like it? [After College Humor logo, Amir is still on he floor in front of the stall.] Amir: It just doesn't- I don't buy it man. I'm sorry, it doesn't make sense. Why would I- Why would I do this? Like, it doesn't- It doesn't help. You don't like me. It just drives you away even more, and then mumble in the bathroom? That's so- it's cold, man. This is a waste of time.