[Jake and Amir are sitting on the couch in Jake's apartment watching a baseball game on TV.] JAKE: Ok, rules are as follows: you're allowed to stay here-- AMIR: IF, we have to high five every home run, I know, and we have to create ten inside jokes, you don't have to tell me-- JAKE: Ok, incorrect. Every inning you stay here is a week that you're not allowed to talk to me. AMIR: Ok. But, I was thinking about that, what if it's like weeks in the past. (JAKE: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah) So like, weeks that we didn't know each other-- JAKE: Before, ok, (AMIR: Yeah when we were kids) um no it's gonna be future weeks. Got it? AMIR: Yeyeah, fo sho, fo sho. [The audience of the game is cheering loudly, indicating someone scored a home run.] JAKE: Oh! (ANNOUNCER: Well, he--) That's gone. (He takes his phone out of his pocket.) AMIR: (smiling) That is aout of there! Ah! JAKE: (smiling) I'm gonna call Kunal. (Putting the phone up to his ear.) AMIR: (smiling) Kunal him! Ah, right now! JAKE: (smiling) Yeah. He loves the Red Sox. I'm gonna (?) rub this in his face. AMIR: (smiling) I know. Ok me too. JAKE: (On the phone) Uh, yo dude, I-- AMIR: (Leaning over and grabbing Jake's arm to yell into his phone) HHHEY YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHI-- [Amir is playing the same chord repeatedly on an acoustic guitar with a bored look on his face.] AMIR: (Singing) Jeff is an asshole, Rosie's an asshole, I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with Patrick Cassels... [Jake is on the phone with Kunal, covering Amir's mouth and restraining him from talking into the phone as Amir tries to yell through Jake's hand.] JAKE: (Into his phone) Hey, Kunal, it's Jake, ahh, just call me back, alright? We'll ahh, I just gotta talk to you. Alright. See you later. [Amir is continuing his song.] AMIR: (singing) I don't see why you wanna hang out with anyonnne else, buuut meeeeee... JAKE: (continuing the song while Amir holds the note over the word me) Stop stop stop stop stop stop noww... (He grabs the guitar from Amir) [A shot of the TV shows the score is 11-1] AMIR: (falsetto) Two to one! JAKE: It's eleven to one. (AMIR: Close game--) AMIR: Oh ok. I thought those were Roman Numerals. AMIR: (makes a pbbpbpb horse noise) I think I'm gonna take a nap. Let me know if Kobe (pronounced koab) hits that touchdown. (He leans his head back to rest on the couch.) JAKE: (makes the same noise) Wrong player, wrong sport, wrong team, and that pronunciation of Kobe's name: intentional? AMIR: (Thinking) Yeeeeee-- JAKE: Wrong pronunciation of the name. That is a record for you. AMIR: Huzzah! JAKE: Not a good one. AMIR: Zah-hah! JAKE: Not a word. [Amir covers Jake's eyes while coming to sit back down on the couch.] AMIR: Guess who! (laughs) JAKE: No one else is here, and you came from the front of me, so that's pretty easy-- AMIR: I clogged your toilet. I clogged it. JAKE: (sighs). Use too much paper, huh? AMIR: (shakes his head). No I didn't use any paper, so I guess guess again? (Amir farts loudly.) JAKE: Ohh my God. (Amir farts again, shorter.) AMIR: I'm done. (He farts a third time, even shorter). [Jake is on his iPhone.] JAKE: Where is everybody? I invited everyone over like an hour ago. AMIR: I know, it's so weird. Well, I guess it makes sense if you think about it, cuz like a lot of 'em were talk-- honestly, a lot of 'em were like talking shit about us, and I was like, I dunno, it's like weird, because like, you have to think about it, do you want those types of people at your house if you-- I mean if you have the choice, maybe you would rather not. Like do you have-- do you have any wine? (He farts loudly again). (During Amir's line, a shot of Jake's apartment door is shown with a handwritten note by Amir that says Hey Guys, Sum1 I don't know died. Don't call me I'll call you. My party has been CANCELLED =), signed Jake) END.