(Amir opens the blinds in the room and then jumps on Jake in bed) AMIR: (laughs) Jake. JAKE: Come on. Ow! AMIR: I yelled at your aunt. It's 6:15, it's 12:35 New York time. JAKE: It's 9:15 New York time. AMIR: Whatevah. JAKE: Not whatever. (Jake is brushing teeth in bathroom) AMIR: What are you doing? You're on vacation! (chuckles) While we're out here, I ain't shaving, I ain't showering and I sure as hell ain't brushing. I might not even take a shit. (high pitched) For real. (Jake is standing by the pool) AMIR: Get the fuck away from that...water thing, I'm serious. JAKE: The pool? (Jake is on the computer) AMIR: By the way, Ricky is pi-ossed. He called me earlier and he was like, 'where the fuck are you, dude?'. (chuckles) JAKE: He's pissed at you. AMIR: What? (Walking outside to the car) AMIR: Hey, where are we going now? JAKE: My cousin's apartment. AMIR: OK, let me drive there. JAKE: OK, you are definitely not. AMIR: OK, let me drive there right now, or I'm going to go back inside and fuc-- (inside the car, Amir is behind the wheel) AMIR: OK, what is 'R'? (car moves, Amir laughs) Whoa, oh my god, did you feel that? JAKE: Let me drive ri-- (Amir is driving on the highway) JAKE: OK, so what is happening? AMIR: STOP RECORDING, PLEASE, JUST TAKE THE WHEEL, I DON'T KN-I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE, THIS SUCKS! JAKE: I'll take the wheel if you tell-- AMIR: (lets go of wheel and shakes fists, yelling over Jake) I want to go home! I want to go home! JAKE: --me who should be driving right now. WELL HOLD ON TO IT! AMIR: (takes wheel again) OK, well, chill. Now you're making me nervous. (Amir attempting to sing along with the song on the radio . . . poorly) JAKE: Not close. Not even close at all. (continues to sing, cuts to Amir with hands off the wheel again, dancing) AMIR: Jake, whoa! (takes wheel) Ah, watch- help me out, a little. (walking in a parking garage) AMIR: (chuckles) Jake, it's like that episode of Seinfeld! JAKE: Only not funny. AMIR: (laughs) With the jerking off, it's everyone's favorite episode. JAKE: (over Amir) -And the wrong episode. Please! Just look around, does any of it look familiar? Do you see the car? AMIR: I already told you, I gave it to a valet, let's just relax. JAKE: That's the first time you told me that because this place doesn't have a valet! AMIR: Ok, sheesh. Uh, relax, he was wearing jeans. He was super excited when I gave him the keys. JAKE: Yeah, I bet he was. The keys to my aunt's car, right? AMIR: One second. What color is it? White? (walking outside) AMIR: Jake, idea! JAKE: About how to get the car back? AMIR: No, better. I'm going to lay on the floor and you jump over me and I'll do it in slow motion. It's going to look sick nasty! JAKE: Man, you lost the c-- (Approaching the In-and-Out Burger at night) AMIR: (whining) What are we doing? It's late! JAKE: It's eight! AMIR: It's late-thirty. JAKE: It's eight thirty and just relax, we're meeting my friends at In and Out. AMIR: What's that? JAKE: It's-it's like McDonalds, just shut up, please. AMIR: Your friends better not be ass-tards. JAKE: (to friends) Hey! FRIEND #1: Hey! What's up man? How are ya? AMIR: (shakes friend's hand) Hey, I'm Amir. Jake's new best friend. (shakes Friend #2's hand) Hi, I'm Amir, Jake's new best friend. (goes to third friend) Hey, Jake's new best friend. (fourth friend) Hey, Jake's new best friend. (back to Friend #2) Did I meet you before? FRIEND #2: Yeah. AMIR: Jake's new best friend. FRIEND #2: Why he is here? JAKE: Can you-- (cuts to them ordering) AMIR: Hey, sorry guys, one second, I need a word alone with my new best friend. (grabs Jake by head) JAKE: Oh my god! AMIR: Hey, you said this place was like McDonalds, right? JAKE: Let go of my fucking head. AMIR: You said this place was like McDonalds. So why did they just fucking laugh at me when I ordered Chicken McNuggets, huh? Huh?! (They're eating at a table) AMIR: Fellas, guy walks face first into a bar, a metal bar. Ouch. (chuckles, no one laughs) All right, Jake, let's go. JAKE: No. AMIR: Right now! ...I mean, I'm not asking you. JAKE: Yeah, you should though. You should at least do me do me that courtesy. AMIR: LET'S GO N--!! (Amir is sleeping on table bench) FRIEND #3: Is he really just asleep? That quickly? FRIEND #4: That's almost impressive. JAKE: It's sad. (they start throwing french fries at the amir) THE END. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Gg1rycNs8