STREETER: (in Australian accent) Oy, Jacob! (normal) No, just kidding. Um...I have all the interns in the conference room. Can you get in there and work on some Spring Break articles?
JAKE: Sure.
(Jake starts walking towards the conference room.)
STREETER: Good ones, please, this year.
JAKE: Heh...alright.
(Amir gets up and follows him.)
AMIR: Jakey, Jakey. Question: Let's play some good cop, bad cop with these guys.
JAKE: I don't think you're involved in this.
AMIR: I don't think you understand what I meant. Follow my lead.
JAKE: No-
(Amir bursts into the conference room. Jake is behind him. There are 5 interns sitting around the conference table.)
AMIR: L-L-L-L-LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS!
JAKE: Hey, don't worry. He's kidding. We just need to start thinking-
AMIR: WE DON'T NEED TO START THINKING! YOU NEED TO START THINKING! Jake...
JAKE: We ALL need to start thinking of Spring Break articles.
INTERN #1: I bet the-
AMIR: AH I BEYEYET DID ANYONE EVEN ASK YOU TO TALK, BRO? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY FUCKING LOOKING AT ME?? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY, ESE?
INTERN #2 (Casey): Jake-
AMIR: JAKE, DON'T FUCKING SAY HIS NAME! DON'T YOU SAY HIS GOD DAMN NAME!
JAKE: It's fine.
AMIR: It's NOT fine. I forget. Jake, what do we do to cute little stupid interns that keep saying your first name.
JAKE: You're not stupid, Casey, obviously. Uh, Amir's just taking a bad joke too far -
AMIR: (scoff sound) Bad joke. There's only one bad joke I see -
(Amir gets on the table and starts crawling toward blond intern)
AMIR: -and it's this cute little blond number.
(Amir crawls right to her face)
AMIR: (to blond intern) You're fucking beautiful, you know that?
JAKE: Alright, Amir. That's enough. You have to leave. Now!
(Amir takes a hammer out of his pocket and hands it to an intern).
AMIR: (to intern with hammer) Break my hand. Come on, break it. Right now.
(Intern tries to hit Amir's hand with the hammer, but Amir move his hand away before the hammer hits)
AMIR: ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?
ROSIE (an intern, as he stands up): Alright, Jake, I'm gonna go.
JAKE: Yeah, that's fine.
AMIR: Ye-ah, don-you know, don't even bother going, cuz I'll fucking take you there.
(Amir throws Rosie on the conference room table, and gets on top of him. Cut shots of Amir punching Rosie, of the interns trying to get Amir off of Rosie, of Amir's bloody hand reaching for the hammer. Amir raises the hammer. Everyone's trying to restrain Amir or his arm.)
JAKE (as all this is happening): Amir, no! What the FUCK are you doing? Oh my god, no!
AMIR: LET ME KILL HIM!! LET ME FUCKING KILL THE ASSHOLE!!
(cut to Jake and Amir at their desks)
AMIR: Jake. Want to know what the weirdest part of that meeting was?
JAKE: What?
AMIR: I was the GOOD cop.