Jake is sitting at table. Amir comes in with a bag over his head shrieking.
JAKE: Jesus Christ!
Amir takes the bag off of his head.
AMIR: (Laughing) I'm just kidding. Not that you'd even care if I tried to kill me. Would you?
JAKE: No.
AMIR: Okay. Let's start from the ze-top. Filling out our men's basketball bracket. I'll start. Division I Men's Bracket Opening Round Game vs. March 18th. Who ya got?
JAKE: Let's start lower with an actual team. North Carolina vs. Mount St. Mary.
AMIR: 16 - 1 already. So, once you're up 20, there's no going back. I'd be a fool to go for North Carolina in this situation. M T S T Mary, thank you.
JAKE: Okay, you can't do math. Also, this isn't a scoreboard. These are their seeds.
AMIR: Okay. Not gonna change my pick.
JAKE: You are though. I'm watching you.
AMIR: (Covering his bracket) Don't cheat.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: What'd you get for Indiana?
JAKE: I just wrote Indiana.
AMIR: Me too. (Amir scribbles something)
JAKE: No, you're drawing a picture of me.
AMIR: How can you tell?
JAKE: Because the hair's.
AMIR: Because the pearly white teeth.
JAKE: Stop.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: Moving on. By U vs. Texas A (Jake mouths BYU) and M. So it's two teams against one, it would be a sucker's bet to go for anybody but these Texas teams.
JAKE: You know you're an idiot, but I got Texas AM too, so.
AMIR: Texas A or M? Okay, you can't (laughs) have them both, okay. So, I'll take Baylor and Perda over Zav-. How do you - when a word starts with an x, what is that?
[Jump cut]
AMIR: You smell super good today by the way bro.
JAKE: C'mon.
AMIR: What?!
JAKE: That.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: St. Mary's and then also Mount St. Mary's. So, this bracket's already busted, right? So. Let me tear it and we'll start it from there. (Amir begins tearing his bracket)
JAKE: Ok, Those - there are two St. Mary's teams.
AMIR: Okay, that's fine. I'll just tape it back together. It's not the first time I made that mistake.
JAKE: You can tell.
AMIR: What. Barely.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: Oral Roberts (Laughs) What is that - Is that team about having butt sex with each other?
JAKE: That's immature and the wrong innuendo.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: Baylor, straight to da final tree.
JAKE: It's final four.
AMIR: Not when you're that good. From way downtown. (Throws pen across room like a basketball) Ah sheesh, can I borrow your pen?
[Jump cut]
Amir is circling something.
AMIR: From way downtown. (Throws pen across the room like a basketball again)
JAKE: C'mon.
[Jump cut]
Amir is now holding a pink highlighter.
AMIR: We should write a movie about two guys that predict scores.
JAKE: It's already a movie.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: Texas versus Austin P. Ooo I like Austin P. (does an Austin Powers impression) in the final four baby, yeah!
JAKE: It's not very likely.
AMIR: (Still doing Austin Powers impression) Oh does that prediction make you horny?
JAKE: It makes me sad.
AMIR: Same th- Same thing.
[Jump cut]
JAKE: Do you even have the $5 buy in?
AMIR: Um, nay. But, I have a feeling Mr. Hamilton (takes out $5 bill) will persuade the bracket masta.
Jake takes $5 bill from Amir and throws it on the table. Amir quickly snatches it back.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: Lightning round! UCLA! (Amir is scribbling something)
JAKE: You're just drawing lightning.
AMIR: Or whatever.
JAKE: Not or whatever. You are.
AMIR: San Diego. (Draws something and looks at Jake)
JAKE: Write it!
AMIR: That's a chill bolt.
[Jump cut]
Amir is laughing hysterically.
AMIR: Oral Roberts.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: Alright, this is taking way too long. (To Jake) We got dinner to go to.
JAKE: We don't.
[Jump cut]
AMIR: Finals. San Antonio vs. who?
JAKE: The finals are in San Antonio. You need to pick two teams.
AMIR: Alright. (Amir writes something and looks at Jake)
JAKE: It's Jake. Jake wins it all.
AMIR: Sorry. I thought that's where we put our name.
JAKE: It's my name.
AMIR: It's our name.
[Jump cut]
Jake gets up from his chair.
AMIR: Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wait. Just tell me- How do you pronounce this: Day-u-k-e?
[Jump cut]
AMIR: West Vir - There's a West Virginia?
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