Jake sits down at his desk with a sandwich.
AMIR: Whoa, what is that? Tell me right now.
JAKE: Calm down, it's a sandwich.
AMIR: No shit Sherlock, what kind?
JAKE: Not that it's any of your business--
AMIR: Incorrect. You're supposed to keep digging Watson. Continue.
JAKE: Mayo.
AMIR: Ooh.
JAKE: Mozzarella.
AMIR: Mustard.
JAKE: Mozzarella cheese.
AMIR: Provolone, my favesies.
JAKE: And a veggie burger.
AMIR: Pizza.
JAKE: No, none of those things.
AMIR: Ooh, I'm sorry brotha.
JAKE: Don't be.
AMIR: That is mine, that is definitely my sandwich.
JAKE: It's not.
AMIR: No questions asked.
JAKE: You're right, no questions asked. My sandwich.
AMIR: Listen, ask anybody in here that knows me, they'll tell you zat one is definitely my sandwich.
JAKE: I'm the only one here that knows you, and I'm telling you that it's my sandwich.
AMIR: It shouldn't even come to this.
JAKE: Yeah.
AMIR: (Laughs) I mean, this is insane! It's so--
JAKE: Yeah.
AMIR: It's clear to me whose sandwich it belongs to.
JAKE: (Laughs) Me too, yeah.
AMIR: I wasn't even going to do this, but I will trade you my food for yours.
JAKE: You don't bring food to work.
Amir holds up a container of sprinkles and a container of cake frosting.
AMIR: Oh, really? Okay, so sprinkles, frosting. Choose ONE! But not both.
JAKE: I'll choose neither.
AMIR: Okay, good, 'cause these are gonna go great on my sandwich.
JAKE: You're not getting the sandwich.
AMIR: Jake, listen to me. Joking aside, I need that sandwich. I haven't eaten in several days. Just, please, I'm begging you.
JAKE: Oh, god, I know you're serious. Here.
Jake starts to pass Amir the sandwich.
AMIR: (Laughs) Oh it appears as if the prankee has become the pranker. I have eaten in the last few days, and you know what? You ain't gettin' that sandwich back.
JAKE: Said that a little early, didn't you? Now I'm not gonna give you the sandwich.
AMIR: W-w-w-w-wait! I'll sell it to you for a joke.
Jake shrugs.
JAKE: Shut up.
AMIR: What's the difference between procrastination and masturbation?
Jake starts eating the sandwich.
AMIR: You're fucking yourself over.
Jake shrugs.
AMIR: Both times.
END