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Drugs. No They're Not.

Episode ID: 77

Air date: 2008-01-15

Video: Link

Scribe: u/guitargrl34

Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks. When Amir starts singing. Jake gets annoyed and grabs a bottle of drugs, opens the cap, and pours some into his hand.

Amir: [singing] I'm so excited/And I just can't hide it/ I know, I know, I know, I know, I - what are you doing? What is that?

Jake: Taking some ibuprofen.

Amir: Ibuprofeen? Yeah right.

Amir gets out of his chair and rushes over to Jake's desk.

Jake: Would you just relax?

Amir grabs the bottle and looks at it.

Jake: Jesus Christ!

Amir: What is this, man?

Amir takes the bottle and pours the pills into a garbage can by Jake's desk.

Jake: Oh my god. [swallows the pill he has in his hand]

Amir: Come on, man!

Amir hugs Jake tightly. Jake looks squished and annoyed. Amir speaks directly into Jake's ear.

Amir: Come on, man. Ah, I'm not going to fucking lose - this is going to be okay. This is going to be okay.

Jake: I'm not pissed; you just owe me ten bucks okay?

Amir: Do you feel me breathing? [takes 2 deep breaths]

Jake: No.

Amir: Regulate your breathing like mine. [takes another deep breath]

Jake: Stop it! Let go!

Amir: Come on, man! This - Aw, I know you fucking hate me right now-

Jake: I always hate you right now.

Amir: Aw, but it's so worth it to me. This is so fucking what I-

Jake: Obviously. Just get off of me!

Amir: I will not let you go because you mean WAY too much to me to let go!

Jake: People can probably hear you, alright?

Amir: I don't care. I don't FUCKING CARE!

Jake begins slapping Amir's head with his left hand. Amir yells and lets go.

Amir: Aw, goddamn-!

Cut to black, the cut to Jake and Amir sitting in chairs facing the camera. They talk directly to the audience.

Jake: Hi, I'm Jake.

Amir: And I'm Jake.

Jake: He's Amir. What you saw just now was a Jake and Amir skit.

Amir: Hilarious Jake and Amir video.

Jake: That's an opinion.

Amir: Basically, what we're trying to say is ibuprofen in no joke.

Jake: Okay, so you didn't get it then.

Amir: Two to three a day is enough to kill a baby elephant.

Jake: I mean it's not.

Amir: Okay, if he chokes on the bottle-

Jake: It's different. I'm stopping it.

Amir: Don't. You have a right to know-!

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