JAKE: I'm sorry, I'm... God, I'm really nervous. Tell me a little bit about yourself, like, um... you know, aside from the fact that you have perfect skin-- [cringes at himself]
MARISA: ...Well, I'm really into video games.
[In the background, Amir sneaks in wearing a full costume of armor from Gears of War.]
JAKE: Me too! I have the high score for Snake on my phone. The key is to eat all of the apples before you hit your tail, which sounds easy, but it's not, especially when your tail is, like, super super long and you have to really go to lengths to avoid it.
MARISA: I'm into Gears of War.
JAKE: ...I love that game. I love Game... Games of Warm.
MARISA: Gears of War.
JAKE: That one is also the bomb.
[Amir jumps into frame and crashes the date.]
AMIR: Okay, oh! Did somebody say "costume"?
JAKE: No.
AMIR: What? Yes they did.
JAKE: Nope.
AMIR: Really. Thought I heard it.
JAKE: Nope.
AMIR: Huh!
MARISA: Who are you?
AMIR: Who am I-- who are you? I'm Amir Blumenfeld, creator of Gears of War.
MARISA: Actually, Cliff Bleszinski created Gears of War.
AMIR: Yeah! That's me. I'm Cliff Blinky.
MARISA: No, that guy over there is Cliff Bleszinski. I saw him when we walked in.
[Marisa and Cliff nod at each other.]
AMIR: Okay, you know what? Forget it, 'cause I'm hungry. Me want sushi. Here we go, who wants some fresh fish?
[Amir tries and fails to throw fish into his mouth, hindered by the armor.]
AMIR: Okay, that was closer than I thought-- and... here we go-- here we go-- alright.
MARISA: Maybe you should use chopsticks if you're gonna eat sushi.
AMIR: [mocking her] "Maybe you should use... ch--" ...sorry, what were you gonna say? I, I was gonna-- [to Jake] I was gonna make fun of her, but I forgot what she was gonna say--
JAKE: I know what you were gonna do. Just leave, man! I'm on a date!
AMIR: Well now you're on a not. [punches the food] Boo-ya!
MARISA: What are you doing?
AMIR: I'll tell you guys what I'm doing: I'm about to cook you guys a legit feast. Huh? How's that sound?
JAKE: We have a feast, okay? You're ruining it.
AMIR: No, no, no, no no no. It's not a date until I make my famous crepes! [stands up awkwardly]
JAKE: I thought you said it wasn't a date. You said we were on a not.
AMIR: BRC, alright? Be right... crepe. [leaves for the kitchen]
JAKE: I'm really sorry. I don't know that guy.
MARISA: Mm-hmm.
[Cliff Bleszinski joins them. Jake throws up his hands in defeat.]
CLIFF: I couldn't help but notice how badly this is going. I'm Cliff.
MARISA: I know who you are! I'm Marisa.
CLIFF: And I know who you are.
[Marisa laughs.]
JAKE: [laughing sarcastically] Hey Cliff, man, look: We all love Games of Worms. Alright, we all do. But honestly, I'm on a date right here, so. Bro code.
AMIR: [returning from the kitchen] Hey bro, do you know where the rice pots are?
JAKE: I thought you were making crepes.
AMIR: Yeah, I am. Amir style. That's with a whole lot of rice.
JAKE: You don't need any rice. And that's not my kitchen, by the way, so I wouldn't know where the rice pot is.
AMIR: Okay, well the chef is being super uncooperative, man!
[Brief flashback to Amir kicking the chef in the gut.]
AMIR: That's right... I'll teach you... for being a chef!
AMIR: Either way, now I can't find jack squat.
JAKE: Then don't make it.
AMIR: What?
JAKE: Just go.
[Amir leaves, headed for the kitchen again.]
CLIFF: So, uh, I got some food back at my house. You want to go back, uh, maybe get some dinner, have a sneak peek at the game?
JAKE: Yeah, thanks, dude, but she's not hungry--
MARISA: Yes, I do.
[Cliff and Marisa leave arm in arm.]
JAKE: Take a hint, man... alright...
[Amir is back in the kitchen, holding two raw Cornish hens.]
AMIR: Guys, screw it. I'm making you Cornish hens instead. That's right, an after-dinner bird, and it's gonna be delicious. [putting the birds directly on the stove element] Here we go, all right, one time! Hey Cliff, how's that sound, man? Ever had a frickin' turkey for dessert before? [laughs] Okay, which one of these is fire? [fumbling with the knobs]
[The screen reads "GEARS OF WAR 3"; "SEPTEMBER 20"; "WORLDWIDE".]
[Jake and Amir are sitting at the table. Amir raises his hand for a high five.]
JAKE: Not gonna high five you.
AMIR: Alright. I wouldn't, just 'cause I've been touching raw meat.
[The video closes off with the Xbox and Microsoft logos.]