INTRO:
JAKE: Heeeey!
AMIR: You're watching Jake and Amir.
JAKE: Oh! Your breath smells awful!
AMIR: Chill!
[Jake and Amir at their desks. Amir is trying to offer Jake a piece of gum while Jake ignores him. Amir waves, getting Jake's attention, and again offers him the gum.]
AMIR: Gum?
JAKE: I'm OK.
AMIR: I'm gonna...have a slice [laughs nervously]...thought I'd offer you one.
JAKE: I'm good.
AMIR: First you're OK now you're good? [Puts stick of gum half in his mouth so that it's sticking out.] What's wrong with you? You're acting all goofy--[Laughs] I mean are you high at work? I'm not gonna tell anyone, I'm just down to toke! Or at least have a bite of whatever edible you're high!
JAKE: I just don't want--
AMIR: My gum.
JAKE:--to talk to you.
AMIR: I know. [Puts up hands in mock defence.]
JAKE: [Mimicking Amir] I know?
AMIR: I come in peace. [Scoffs.]
[Silence]
AMIR: [Playing with the piece of gum he hasn't put in his mouth. Squints.] Hmm?
JAKE: I didn't say anything. Do you wish I did?
AMIR: Are you sure? It's on the house!
JAKE: Did you think I was declining because I thought you were gonna make me pay for it?
AMIR: The pack was like two bucks! If you wanna toss me a dollar...sure that'd be fine [Chuckles]. That'd be fair--
JAKE: Fair? No it wouldn't. That would mean I get half the pack of gum, and I said no to a piece.
AMIR: You said you were OK!? You said you were good--[getting angry] you didn't say jack shit about no. Holy shit; you are high!!
JAKE: Relax! Alright? I'll have a piece of gum.
AMIR: [Nodding his head] Slice.
JAKE: Piece! Never correct me--Just give me the gum!
AMIR: [Smugly] Oh. Well. What are you gonna do for me? [Takes out stick of gum. Raises eyebrows suggestively.]
JAKE: Never mind.
AMIR: Wait! I have something that you want [Holds up piece of gum.]! You gotta pay me back somehow, that's how society works! [Pretends to type on computer] I'm not working here for free! [Chuckles]
JAKE: You're not working here at all! [Amir is bobbing up and down on his chair and chewing the gum with his mouth open while Jake is talking.] I don't think I've ever seen you do or complete a single task--chew the gum with your mouth closed. Alright? [Amir's movements become more frantic.] You look so unnatural doing it.
AMIR: [Still chewing with his mouth open.] It's cool. It's friendly. It's chill--
JAKE: Don't bob your head--it's not friendly. What's friendly about it?
AMIR: It's like [Amir winks awkwardly. Jake grimaces.]...It's just a nice thing to do! [Laughs weakly.]
JAKE: I don't want the gum. I was just gonna take it so you would shut up!
AMIR: Shut up! [Amir grimaces.] Really!? [Jake facepalms.] That language?! [Waves pack of gum in the air.] From someone who has something that you want. It's tit for tat, Jakey! When that tit-tat is a Tic Tac or a Kit-Kat, you can't go this that, hit hat! You gotta go mit ma--
JAKE: Focus!
[Amir doesn't respond or move as he chews his gum loudly, staring at Jake.]
JAKE: I don't wanna sit next to you anymore.
AMIR: [Stops chewing.] What?
JAKE: I wanna move desks.
[Amir swallows the gum.]
AMIR: Jake--
JAKE: I'm done.
AMIR: Gum's gone, man...alright? This is...
JAKE: [Shrugging] Doesn't matter that the gum's gone. I'm--
AMIR: [Shaking his head, smiling.] It's such a--This is such a small thing in the grand scheme of things. I-i-it's infinitesimal!
JAKE: It's small, maybe, in the grand scheme of things but the grand scheme of things is what I'm worried about, OK? It's a lot of little things, like this, adding up. Also...you know, you stabbed me once--
AMIR: Once.
JAKE: More often than I've stabbed anyone!
AMIR: Really?...Shit. I'm sorry!
JAKE: That's also the first time you apologized for it which is pretty fucked.
AMIR: Just [sighs] look under your desk.
[Jake reaches under his desk and pulls out a pack of gum showing it to Amir and smiling slightly.]
JAKE: It's my own pack of gum. [Taps pack of gum on desk.]
[Amir nods and smiles knowingly.]
JAKE: It's a pretty nice gesture. I see where you were going this whole time--
AMIR: Now in terms of paying me back are you thinking about cash or favours?
JAKE: I thought this was a gift.
AMIR: Well I still wanna hang out!!
END