INTRO:
JAKE: Hey- you're watching Jake and Amir.
AMIR: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Jake and Amir are parked in the RV on a street in LA
JAKE: Alright man. That's it. It's been fun...
AMIR (getting out of the RV): Later!
JAKE: Insane!
Amir pats the car and begins to walk away
JAKE: You wanna say goodbye?
AMIR: Hmm?
Amir turns back to the car window
AMIR: Oh- arrivederre!
JAKE: You have a fun experience?
AMIR (holding up two fingers): Chi!?
JAKE: A good road trip?
Amir laughs
JAKE: Hey it's been cool working together, for the last eight years.
Amir takes a picture of Jake with his phone
JAKE: Do you wanna reflect? On anything?
AMIR (nodding): I liked it.
He makes a peace sign
AMIR: Deuces.
JAKE: Hey at least let me shake your hand.
AMIR: Actually I fear that if you touch me I will crumble to the ground, in a tidal wave of emotion. So, uh, let's not make this any harder than it needs to be. (Chuckles) Peace. Text me.
JAKE: Ok, I get it.
AMIR: Get what dude? I am a rock, I am an island, and this isn't sad because I'm not actually thinking about it. Ooooh (voice faltering)
JAKE: I'm gonna get out of the car.
Jake gets out of the RV
AMIR: Do what you gotta do but I'm just warning you that we are getting dangerously close to me confronting the reality of the situation which is that out relationship is actually...
Jake embraces Amir
AMIR: ...oh... Over...
JAKE: You're my boy. You're my boy.
AMIR: You're goddamn right I am.
Jake lets go of Amir
JAKE: Relax.
They look at each other
JAKE: Text me.
AMIR: I will, a lot. (Laughs)
JAKE: Not too much.
AMIR: A lot.
They start moving apart. Jake notices Amir's 'OZENENZ' bag still in the front seat of the RV
JAKE: You forgot your odds and ends.
Amir turns around
JAKE: You keep it.
Amir walks away
Jake is sitting on the side of the footpath going through the bag, he pulls out a pair of sunglasses
CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Sunglasses':
Jake is wearing large women's sunglasses
JAKE: What are you doing? I put on sunglasses and you put on like the exact same pair.
Amir is wearing a similar pair of glasses
AMIR: Not the, (laughs) not the exact same pair. Your's are yellow right? I can't, yeah they're yellow right?
JAKE: It's like the idea of putting on sunglasses.
AMIR: Oh- the idea-
CUT TO: Jake sitting looking at the sunglasses:
AMIR (O.S.): I didn't- yeah I didn't know you invented sunglasses.
Jake puts the glasses down and pulls out a small video camera tape, written on it is:
ACE AND JOCELYN
ASTRONAUT
ACCOUNTANTS
FROM OUTERSPACE!
EPISODE 5
CUT TO: Clip from 'Ace and Jocelyn - Episode 5':
Jake is pointing his finger at Amir
JAKE (to Amir): This right here? This is a finger-blasting gun and it shoots invisible lasers and I'm gonna shoot you.
PAT: Guys I think I'm blind.
AMIR (to Jake): I know... WHAT IT IS! Just relax Ace! Put it down!
CUT TO: Jake taking out a box of Chicken McNuggets:
Jake opens the box and eats a nugget
AMIR (O.S.): All day, every day...
CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Nutrition':
Amir is sitting at his desk eating a chicken nugget
AMIR: ...every hour, got a chicken nugget in my pocket gotta put it in my mouth.
Jake and Sarah are sitting at Jake's desk
SARAH: Jesus, where did that- where did that even come from?
JAKE: He just has them.
CUT TO: Jake looking through the bag:
Jake pulls out a Rubik's cube
JAKE (O.S.): So do you want the Rubik's Cube?
CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Rubik's Cube':
Amir is sitting at his desk
AMIR: Only if you want me to solve the Rubik's cube. THAT depends on whether or not...
Jake throws the cube at Amir. It hits him in the nose. Amir clutches his nose
CUT TO: Jake playing with the cube:
Jake accidently drops the cube and it shatters off screen. Jake pulls out Amir's 'Most Bitchly' badge from brownies
JAKE (O.S.): That pin says 'Most Bitchly'
CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Brownie':
Amir is wearing a girl scouts uniform
AMIR (In a high-pitched, whiny voice): Yeah!
Jake cringes
AMIR: Yeah it does okay? But it's a reminder for me to not be such a bitchly. I'm a little ashamed about it but I keep it on.
JAKE: Listen to your voice.
AMIR: What?
JAKE: Don't let it get to that octave.
CUT TO: Jake throwing the badge down:
Jake pulls out a gold watch
JAKE (O.S.): This is a Rolex!
CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Rolex':
Jake is sitting at his desk holding up the watch
JAKE: It's a Rolex, buddy!
AMIR: You know how you're always like, uh, 'what time is it?' Ha...
JAKE: I've never said that to you before.
AMIR: Well it's time for me to get you a new watch.
Jake looks at the watch silently
AMIR: Fuck off for not laughing at that you diva, you diva little... I'm sorry, you're a cunt! [Simultaneously] JAKE: You're an ass, you're an asshole. I don't want this gift from you. You're- I'm- shutup dude!
AMIR: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that that was obviously a little too much. [Simultaneously] JAKE: You just yelled cunt in the office. How is that okay? Alright, you know what?
CUT TO: Jake pulling Amir's canyon note out of the bag:
JAKE pulls the note out which says:
FUCK OFF JAKE!!
YOU RAT COWARD!Jake sighs and returns the note. He gets up and walks away
In the new LA office boardroom. Employees are standing around chatting. Amir enters.
AMIR (singing): Make way, for prince Amir...
The employees start booing and throwing paper at Amir. Someone pulls a chair out from under him and he falls down. Everyone cheers and laughs. Someone helps Amir up and then spits in his face before another employee staples his neck
AMIR: Ow! Ow!
Jake runs in
JAKE: Hey! Hey! Come on! What are you guys doing? This is insane, it's no way to treat somebody on their first day of work. I mean I know you've heard stories about this guy from New York, but, but jeez doesn't he deserve a chance? He took a real big leap of faith coming out here and... the least you guys could do is give him a fresh start. (Looking at Amir) I know one guy in this office who will.
EMPLOYEE 1 (coughing): Loser!
EMPLOYEE 2: Nice! Boom.
The rest laugh as Jake and Amir take their seats at their new desks
AMIR: You really wanna work here with me? Heh.
JAKE: Yeah, I do.
AMIR: ...Pussy.
JAKE: Sorry, what?
AMIR: You're a pussy...
JAKE: Why are you saying that?
AMIR: I leave you a bag of trinkets and you're to move across the country for me?
JAKE: Are you kidding me? This is insane!
AMIR: Oh! A Rubik's cube.
Amir starts fake crying
JAKE: Oh, shut the fuck up. Alright, tell you what man, the RV is outside!
AMIR: Enough.
JAKE: I can move back to New York. [Simultaneously] AMIR: No no no no, I'm just joking.
AMIR: I was just joking.
JAKE: You were just joking...?
AMIR: You gotta learn how to take a joke man, I'm serious. I mean, this is LA.
JAKE: You gotta learn how to give a joke, cause that's rude.
AMIR: Wow...
JAKE: What I just did was really nice and then you hit me with the Rubi- you didn't even say thank you.
Amir starts to make beeping noises
JAKE: Back it up?
AMIR: Back it up. Absolutely.
TITLE CARD: The End
AMIR (O.S.): Let's... start over...