INTRO
AMIR: As the sunlight kisses the majestic vista, our heroes emerge!
JAKE: You're watching Jake and Amir.
AMIR: Okay.
CAPTION: Grand Canyon, AZ
[Jake is silently looking over the Grand Canyon. Amir approaches and stands beside him.]
AMIR: That awkward moment when you realize it's not that grand of a canyon.
JAKE: [shaking his head] She is grand.
AMIR: And she is canyon. I'm just saying... that awkward moment when you realize it's not that big of a canyon.
JAKE: Right, it's the same thing. You just said it twice. Okay, you know what? I think I'm gonna go, because I've been out here for two hours, while I can only assume you were back in the RV, rehearsing that line over and over again. I mean, at one point, it sounded like you were focus-grouping it in there.
AMIR: I was FaceTiming with Leron back in the States.
JAKE: We're in the States.
AMIR: And he actually only had one note. It was to add "that awkward moment when" in the beginning, to make it more like a... meme.
JAKE: Bad note. Right? [Amir shrugs] Just so I'm clear, you spent two full hours storming your brain, and all you could come up with was coming out here and saying something negative, insulting this this, this, this national treasure, and your shithead cousin's one note was to add a cliche to the top of it?
AMIR: I'm sorry.
JAKE: ...Forget it.
AMIR: No, about everything, okay? I've been acting like a real... a real diva roach for the past seven... eight years.
JAKE: Don't you think at that point it's not acting like anything, you just are a diva roach? Like some sort of reverse evolution?
AMIR: [unfolding a piece of paper] I actually wrote you a note. If I could... read it...?
JAKE: ...Are you asking me if you know how to read? I-- I honestly-- I'm not sure. I don't know.
AMIR: [reading] "Thanks for everything. Uh, I know I've been a diva roach, and, uh, while I respect the shit out of you, I rarely show it. I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't-- I don't have a single friend, and my family life is, um... not. You are the one bright spot in my otherwise dismal life, and even though you get short-tempered with me, I know that at the end of the day, you have my back. I just want to say thank you for that. I appreciate you."
[Jake sniffs and wipes away a tear. Amir discreetly pulls out his phone and takes a picture.]
JAKE: That's insensitive.
AMIR: 'Gramming it. Hashtag: best moment of my young adult life.
JAKE: Alright. Okay.
AMIR: Alright. Want to go to LA?
JAKE: You know what? We've got one more night to kill. What do you say we go to Vegas?
AMIR: Make is Las Vegas and you're on!
JAKE: Alright. I mean, it's... alright. Yeah. Yeah, fine! Las Vegas it is! Alright!
AMIR: No, now I feel like I'm changing your plan. Let's go to Vegas. Let's go to Vegas!
JAKE: No no, it's f-- alright, en-- ...tell you what, man. You're welcome. For everything.
[Jake and Amir bro-shake. Jake glances at Amir's note.]
JAKE: [grabbing the note] Sorry-- the other side of this note says "fuck off, Jake Hurwitz".
AMIR: I didn't know which way this conversation was gonna go.
JAKE: [reading] "You rat coward, you only take me on a week-long trip and pay for everything? How dare you! Is that all I'm worth to you, you you you diva roach?"
AMIR: Vegas, baby! Vegas! [heads back to the RV]
JAKE: Which one of us is the roach?
CAPTION: To Be Continued...
END