INTRO
AMIR: [singing] Hey you're watching Jake and Amir and you're--
JAKE: You said you had a good song.
AMIR: It is a good song!
[Amir is packing up his belongings in preparation for his move to Los Angeles. He is holding a large cardboard box labeled "AMIR STUFF".]
AMIR: Well... this is it. [pause] It's more than it, actually.
JAKE: It's just it.
AMIR: This is goodbye... it's more than goodbye.
JAKE: It's just goodbye. And it's just it.
AMIR: [mouthing] Wow.
JAKE: Wow. Yeah, you know, not everything has to be more than something, just to drive your point past home.
AMIR: You're gonna put me on blast for that?
JAKE: Yeah. A blast.
AMIR: Oh? That's a good idea?
JAKE: I do. I think so.
AMIR: To blast me?
JAKE: Blast you on a Tuesday.
AMIR: On the day I move to The Angels?
JAKE: I'll help you with your stuff.
[Jake grabs the box. It folds instantly, as the bottom hasn't been put together. The only thing inside is a paper bag labeled "OZENENZ".]
JAKE: Are you kidding me, man?
AMIR: What?
JAKE: You were packing for an hour. You have no possessions?
AMIR: No possessions? There's a sandwich bag!
JAKE: A s-- yes! Exactly! You have a sandwich bag! You worked here for eight fucking years!
AMIR: It's odds and ends, mostly!
JAKE: It's really light! You know, considering the amount of time you spent here, at this desk. No backpack? No bag?
AMIR: I pack light.
JAKE: You didn't pack at all! You packed-- [shakes the bag] --it sounds like grapes and raisins, mostly.
AMIR: [grabbing the bag] Enough, alright? Enough.
JAKE: Right. [pointing to the OZENENZ label] "Odds and ends", by the way, is not one word. You, uh... you spelled this more than wrong.
[As Jake and Amir walk away, the focus lingers on their desk.]
[Jake is accompanying Amir on his way out. They are in the elevator.]
AMIR: It's been ace working with you.
[Jake pauses, but Amir begins talking over him the moment he responds.]
JAKE: Man, that was lame. It was so lame. It made me uncomfortable. / AMIR: Ass, ass, ass for not laughing at that? It was a callback!
JAKE: Okay. It's a deep pull.
AMIR: I thought we were gullies!
JAKE: Stop it.
[Jake and Amir are outside in front of the CH office.]
JAKE: I know it's hard for you to leave, but I thought maybe, uh... maybe we'll do something special, something real big, for our last hurrah.
AMIR: "Last hurrah"? What are you talking about? Just 'cause I'm gonna be in LA doesn't mean that we're not gonna work together anymore!
JAKE: Yes it does.
AMIR: How frickin' so?
JAKE: How not? You're moving across the country. You're gonna be in a different office.
AMIR: [yelling] I know! But we're still gonna be in the same office... dweeb!
JAKE: [also yelling] So you don't know! I just said we're not gonna be in the same office! Don't yell at me that you know when you don't!
AMIR: Congratulations! Time! You just ruined my last day on Earth here in six minutes flat? No! Six minutes bumpy!
JAKE: I'm trying to tell you that I'm gonna drive you to LA.
AMIR: In what?
JAKE: [pointing to an RV parked across the street] In that.
AMIR: ...What is that?
JAKE: It's an RV!
AMIR: We're driving across the country in an RV?
JAKE: Eight days of adventure.
AMIR: Just you and me?
JAKE: Just me and you.
AMIR: [taken aback] Wow... [to himself] I deserve so much more than... [trailing off]
JAKE: What?
AMIR: [yelling] I deserve so much more than this! This-- this... this is your big idea for a send-off?
JAKE: ...You piece of shit.
AMIR: Cool it.
JAKE: No!
AMIR: What is that, like, a... like a thirty-footer or some little piece of--
JAKE: It's twenty-two feet.
AMIR: Twe-- you might as well have rented a minivan at this point! I'm not going Dutch with you on that!
JAKE: I'm not asking you to go Dutch-- you know what? Never mind, man. Just have-- have fun in California.
AMIR: No, no no no, come back, come on, yeah, I'm excited. Big adventure. Hurrah.
JAKE: You're making it worse.
AMIR: You know what? No no no, this is good. You'll make it up to me along the way.
[Amir heads off-screen toward the RV.]
AMIR: Oh sheesh, y'all! 'twas a road trip!
[Off-screen, there are tires squealing and horns honking.]
JAKE: Oh!
AMIR: [off-screen] Whoa! Okay, taxi almost nicked me.
JAKE: More than nicked you!
[The screen goes black, with text reading "To Be Continued..."]
END