INTRO
JAKE: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir!
AMIR: And [singing] I dream of California--
JAKE: Oh my God. Your voice sucks.
AMIR: Sorry.
[Jake and Amir are at their desks. Suddenly the first few seconds of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" begin playing out of Amir's speakers, and then it abruptly stops again.]
JAKE: You asshole.
AMIR: [with milk and Oreos spilling out of his mouth, mostly unintelligible] Gotcha! [laughing maniacally] Ahh, [unintelligible, sounds like "you just Rickrolled face"], bitch!
JAKE: You unbelievable dick!
AMIR: What?
JAKE: Swallow your food.
AMIR: Swallow your pride!
JAKE: You just Rickrolled an email thread of people planning a funeral, man!
AMIR: Relax, dude! it's a meme!
JAKE: It's a meme.
AMIR: You're not gonna make me feel bad about this.
JAKE: ...Why not?
AMIR: 'Cause it was a joke! Have you ever heard of pushing the envelope? Oooh! Have you ever seen Hall Pass?
JAKE: Is that a risque comedy?
AMIR: No, I just realized I rented it yesterday from a Redbox for a buck, and I don't have a place to watch it.
[Another employee gets Rickrolled by Amir's email, and throws his headphones down in anger.]
JAKE: Don't open his email, everybody.
AMIR: Y'all just got Punk'd! [chuckles]
[A pair of scissors flies past Amir's head.]
AMIR: Whoa! Who threw the scissors? Not cool!
JAKE: You know what's not cool, is you replying all to this email thread where we're mourning and planning Amanda Ferri's funeral, [Amir rolls his eyes] and saying, "I think these flowers are wild and playful, much like Amanda was. I believe these dragon lilies capture not only her essence, but also her spirit." [Amir takes a swig of milk] "They're a tad bit on the pricey side, but she was more than worth it." And then the link is a Rickroll.
[Will walks up, in tears.]
WILL: You monster. You trash man.
JAKE: Will.
WILL: I know. It's not my place.
[Will leaves.]
AMIR: Okay. You know that guy eats his own shit? Why aren't more people talking about that?
JAKE: Focus.
AMIR: ...I hope you die next.
JAKE: Excuse me?
AMIR: [doing a bizarre accent] Excuse you? Yeah, excuse you? ...Yeah, excuse you! [normally] ...What are you talking about?
JAKE: What did you just say to me?
AMIR: I said I hope you die next!
JAKE: [shaking his head] ...And that's okay?
AMIR: I'm serious, man, and I have a weird premonition about this kind of shit. I mean, look at this last text message that I sent Amanda.
[Amir holds his phone up for Jake to read, and burps loudly.]
JAKE: "Sleep well, my sweet angel"? You sent that yesterday, and she died three days ago.
AMIR: Yeah, but I didn't know that!
JAKE: Yes you did.
AMIR: Prove it!
JAKE: The email that you sent, on the same exact thread! [Amir laughs silently as milk spills down his chin] "I'm so sorry to hear about Amanda. This is more than a shock; it's a downright shame--" that's not more than a shock, by the way. It's just different. [Amir eats some more Oreos.] Then you continue: "If you need to smile in this hour of need, I urge you to read about this meme I found called Rickrolling."
AMIR: [half an Oreo falling out of his mouth] It's called a mèmè!
JAKE: No, it's not. You continue: "There are many funny videos online of people being rolled by Rick at inopportune times... actually, that gives me an idea."
AMIR: The rest... is comedy present, past, and fut--
[Amir is interrupted when another pair of scissors is thrown and impales him in the neck.]
JAKE: Oh!
AMIR: Ohh! ...Aaah!
JAKE: Aaah!
AMIR: Aaah!
JAKE: Aaah!
AMIR: Aaah!
JAKE: Aaah!
AMIR: Aaah!
JAKE: Aaah!
AMIR: Oh, did it get me?
JAKE: Oh, it got you!
AMIR: Aaah!
JAKE: Aaah!
AMIR: Aaah!
JAKE: Aaah!
AMIR: Aaah!
JAKE: Aaah!
AMIR: Aaah!
JAKE: Aaah!
AMIR: Aaah!
END