Intro:
Amir: Hey you're watching Bill and Ted
Jake: Nope they're not...
Amir: WELL I AM!
Jake: DON'T cry and pinch me..
Amir: (in the tune of Pink: Party Started) I'm coming out so you better get the party started, I'm coming out I'm coming..
Jake: You okay?
Amir: OKAY? I'm better than okay, I'M GAY, best part of my day, we're officially now husbands with each other
Jake: No, what are you talking about?
Amir: I saw your Facebook profile pic dude, with the eh the pink minus'
Jake: The equal sign
Amir: No they were like two dashes
Jake: IT'S A EQUAL SIGN, I'M RIGHT
Amir: NO the two, the dashes that are like...
Jake: It's an EQUAL SIGN yeah..
Amir: Whatever...
Jake: NO WHATEVER, did you really just not know what an equal sign was
Amir: I forgot...
Jake: It's like the first thing they teach you
Amir: Either way, since we have to get married gay, I thought I'd... (Stumbles on words) I thought I'd have to snatch
Jake: Yeah it's fine, not everything you say has to rhyme
Amir: I thought I'd had to snatch you up before some other beautiful bow out there did
Jake: Okay, No, just no, you've got this entirely wrong
Amir: Oh my god, I feel a fool
Jake: As you should
Amir: Who is he?
Jake: No...
Amir: (gradually getting louder) At least give me the curtsey of telling me his name so I can CURSE HIM AT NIGHT
Jake: Nobody has to get gay married
Amir: wwwwwhat are you talking about
Jake: Marriage Equality doesn't mean I have to marry another guy
Amir: Mmmmm yeah it does (giggle)
Jake: Mmmmm No it doesn't
Amir: Mmmmm then why else would people be so pissed you nim-rod
Jake: You're the dumb one
Amir: The conservative right, yeah, they've been vehemently opposed to this issue, and you know why, because they are forcing people to get gay married, i mean i wouldn't want to be forcibly gay married to someone unless i knew someone as chill as you that i would down to settle down with...
Jake: No
Amir: ...maybe start a family with someday...I know I know someday you have a career
Jake: Some people just don't believe that same sex couples should be allowed to marry
(Silent, then Amir laughs uncontrollably)
Jake: I'm not joking
Amir: THAT'S WHY I'M MARRYING YOU
Jake: I'M NOT JOKING
(Amir goes serious)
Amir: Jesus...that's fucked up
Jake: I know...
Amir: Who are they to tell us how to live our lives...
Jake: You're right...but...me and you...we're not gay...
Amir: ahuh...like hell we aren't, you're my best friend
Jake: yeah that's not gay you just wanna hang out with me all the time
Amir: HOHOHAHA aren't you Mr Confident, no wonder you found a husband so fast, hey tell me? is he a chubby hubby like the Ben and Jerry's flavour hahha
Jake: Bad joke...
Amir: WHATS HIS NAME!!!!!!
Jake: I just think if people wanna get married they should be allowed to
Amir: Agreed, except for me and you evidently, you know my mother was right, CONGRADULATIONS JAKE, you're married to a divorcee and a fiance
Jake: That's not how that works, and I think our marriage is a sham anyway because aside from meeting to agree to it I probably should have at least been present at the ceremony
Amir: You know I thought so too much for three hand jobs and a bottle of Nytol that drag queen down in the west villages was singing a different tune
Jake: Awful, Disgusting, Unofficial...
Amir: And yet here we are...Officially Wed (Produces wedding certificate) Till death do we shart...HO YEAH (starts to "shart")
Jake: Don't try to shart, don't do this!!
Amir: (Still Sharting) It's natural baby
Jake: It's not natural you're forcing it out
Amir: It's a coincidence
Jake: It's not a coincidence, your voice is...strayed
Amir: Here comes the tadpole, just one, little, guppy, flying, out of my, rectum, ohhhhhh, HI DE HO, ehehaha
Jake: That was so much more than a tadpole, or a guppy
Amir: Can you believe that you have to be with this ass for the rest of your life,
Credit Roll
Special Message:
Jake: Hey Jake and Amir here, that might of been a silly video but it did have an important message
Amir: That's right there is nothing funny about sharting
Jake: We all know somebody whos sharted
Amir: That's right we share the freeways with them, subways, office building, schools...they deserve the same rights as we do...sharters do...
Jake: Support gay marriage