Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir!
Amir: That's an oxymoron.
Jake: How?
Amir: What?
Amir: March Madness Bracket, huh? This year I filled out a March Madness packet! 100 different permutations, each one representing every single possible outcome!
Jake: There are 68 games, there are way more than 100 possible outcomes.
Amir: Fook me, huh? No, Fook Duke!
Jake: I didn't say fook you.
Amir: It's a joke, Jake, okay? I can't set it up and knock it down, just play along for once! God damn it!
Amir: Who do you have as your write-in candidate?
Jake: There is no write-in candidate.
Amir: Exactly right. It was a trick question.
Jake: You have Mickey Mouse in your Final Four.
Amir: Trick question I said! As in he's a tricky little mouse bitch who can scamper his way past the Elite Eight. I'm not saying I'm proud of the little rat diva but I can say I can see him doing it! Also, don't look at my sheet! Look at my sheet, that's a cheat! Thats a DQ!
Jake: Hey! Stop it!
Amir: Minnesota, huh? How about a mini soda?
(Raises small Coke)
Amir: Is there a size Coke that would have made you laugh?
Jake: No it's just that you've filled out--
Amir: Ole Miss! Donald. Bet the farm. E-i-e-i. No!
Jake: When do you do this?
Amir: What?
Jake: When do you come up with these shitty rhymes?
Amir: It's not even a "my jokes are bad" thing, I know you think it's that way, but that mini soda thing crushed yesterday at my cousin's brit.
Jake: Ew!
Amir: I really think that the diva mouse can take it this year, this crazy little shifty mouse.
Jake: I know that's what you think.
Amir: No, I'm serious! I mean, he's got a snowball's chance in hell, sure, but in this tournament that's all you need. I mean, who had 'Nova topping Georgetown in '85, nobody.
Jake: People had it. I mean, it was a long shot, but at least it was a basketball team.
Amir: Fuckin' asshole.
Jake: What?! What did you just say? Say it again.
Amir: Butler University. Hey Jake, the butler did it! They're Final Four bound. And gagged!
Jake: You crossed them out.
Amir: What?
Jake: You don't have Butler, you crossed them out. That's where you wrote Mickey Mouse.
Amir: That tricky mouse fink is up to tricks! I didn't cross them out, you gotta believe me. Do you believe me?
Jake: No!
Amir: This year's Cinderella story? It's gonna be me! I'm gonna wear a gown to the Final Four and sit on a pumpkin instead of a seat.
What's the opposite of a Prince Charming, you ask. How about a Dunce Harming?
Jake: Not quite buddy. A dunce, a prince, not quite.
Amir: Yeah, I know it's not quite there, I was just hoping you weren't listening.
Jake: You talk, hoping I'm not listening?
Amir: Oh, Syracuse winning it all, huh? Bold!
Jake: You don't like that pick?
Amir: No, I love that pick. Especially because it's 2003, right? Carmelo's still playing basketball? We just killed Saddam Hussein, so that's a positive.
Jake: I get it.
Amir: What?
Jake: I get it!
Amir: So, George gets a town, Louis gets a ville, and what does little ol' Amir get? Nothing but a public urination ticket and a slap on the wrist. That's not fair.
Jake: What?
Amir: Whoah, great news! In your world, iTunes just launched, that's a great investment opportunity!
Jake: I'll change the pick!
Amir: Why would you? I'm sure the Governator, you know Arnold Schwarzenegger, the new governor of California would endorse your pick, especially if he just got finished watching Finding Nemo, the new Pixar flick that just came out!
Jake: How do you know so much about 2003?!
Amir: How do you know so little about basketball?!
Jake: You still have MICKEY MOUSE winning it all!
Amir: That's because he's a diva little mousey bitch!