PREVIOUSLY ON JAKE AND AMIR
JAKE: We're locked in.
BEN: (gasps)
AMIR: (gasps)
JAKE: (gasps)
INTRO
AMIR: You're drock- uh- you're Jakein- watching Jake-
JAKE: You've gotta learn how to do intros, man.
(Amir pees on plant)
JAKE: Do you have to pee right now? Ok, we've been in here a minute and it doesn't sound like you have to piss that bad.
AMIR: Ok, I don't, alright. I'm forcing it.
BEN: We have to calm down if we wanna survive!
JAKE: I'm calm.
BEN: Oh, no. There's no more water.
JAKE: You're drinking water.
BEN: There's nothing in this. I didn't know what to do so I pretended there was water. We should drink each others' piss.
AMIR: There's a lot of pee on these leaves.
BEN: Ok.
JAKE: Ok, stop. You know what, don't drink your own- look, I have water.
BEN: Shut up with your water it's time to drink piss!
AMIR: Hey! Do you realize how much pee I could've made with that water?
BEN: You're right, here, go, go, go, go!
JAKE: You guys, they sent somebody up to unlock the door.
BEN: You're right. We're running out of oxygen.
JAKE: I didn't say that.
BEN: We have to find oxygen.
AMIR: Under the door.
BEN: Under the door. Under the door!
(Amir and Ben put their heads near bottom of door and take several gasping breaths)
JAKE: Nobody breathes like that.
BEN: (pants) We should think of a way to pass the time.
AMIR: Let's have a talent show.
BEN: We should have a talent show.
AMIR: Don't say that like it was your idea!
BEN: We thought of it.
JAKE: You guys, what about Amir's stench?
BEN: We handled that already.
JAKE: When?
AMIR: I peed on the frickin' plant. Is that not enough, Romeo?
JAKE: How does that help?!
AMIR: What do you mean, how does that help, all the pee is now here, (touches plant) all the stink.
JAKE: It's on your hand, now!
AMIR: Exactly!
JAKE: We're not having a talent show.
AMIR: Oh, my God, you're just jealous 'cause you don't have a talent.
BEN: You have zero talents. (Amir laughs)
JAKE: Ha, ha, ha, well if that's what you guys think then, uh, (bad Cartman impression) screw you guys, I'm going home.
AMIR: What the hell was that?
JAKE: That's my impression, Ok? South park, Eric Carman?
AMIR: Eric Cartman?
JAKE: (bad Cartman impression) Respect my authority!
AMIR: No, respect my authoritah.
BEN: You sound like a witch!
JAKE: Ok, I also do, uh, (mumbles though hand) his friend Kimmy!
AMIR: Kenny.
JAKE: Stam!
AMIR: Stan.
JAKE: Kylee!
AMIR: Kyle.
JAKE: Mr. Spanky, the Christmas Shit!
AMIR: Poo!
JAKE: (bad Cartman impression) Ok, you guys need to learn how to be funny,
(all laugh)
BEN: Sto-
JAKE: Batman! Here we go. (bad Batman impression) Harvey Dept!
BEN: Do your Batman.
AMIR: No... Every name, you're getting wrong. (bad Batman impression) If you like his Batman, you're gonna love mine.
BEN: Ohhh... Batman is in this room!
AMIR: He's in my mouth.
BEN: No!
JAKE: (bat Batman impression) He's me too.
BEN: (bad Batman impression) How could he be there if he's right over here?
AMIR: (bad Batman impression) Whoa!
JAKE: (bad Joker impression) You guys better watch out for the Jokester!
BEN: Oh my God, Amir. There's a key in the other side of this door!
AMIR: (getting up) I have an idea.
BEN: Batman does?
AMIR: No, I do.
JAKE: (bad Borat/Yoda impression) Uh, Borat says what's you idea, you will?
BEN: That is Yoda doing a terrible Borat.
JAKE: Alright, screw you dude. Ok, I paid you good money and you went rogue.
(Amir slides newspaper under door, hits handle so key falls onto it, and slides it under. Ben and Amir laugh. Amir uses key to turn switch that doesn't require key and opens door.)
BEN: (bad Batman impression) That's another case solved, Batman.
AMIR: (bad Batman impression, mumbling) Thank you very much, Batman.
JAKE: (bad Batman impression) Alright, the three Batmans have done it-
BEN: You've got to shut the f*ck up.
THE END