INTRO
Amir: I'm the one who wants to be -
Jake: You said you weren't going to do this.
Amir: I lied.
Jake: Hey, Rosie. Rosie, come here. Check out this thing on my computer, man.
[Rosie laughing]
Jake: It's crazy, right?
Rosie: Oh th-
[Amir pulls chair from underneath Rosie as he sits down]
Jake [celebrating]: Ho ho, nice! Way to go, man.
Amir [aggressively]: AH!
Jake: Nice job.
Amir: AH!
Jake: All right, don't be angry.
Amir: Mmhmm.
Jake: Why are you mad? You should be happy. We did it.
Amir: Hrrrr.
Jake: All right.
Amir: Hrrrr.
Jake: Yes!
[Amir dancing]
Jake: Celebration... celebration, nice.
Rosie [in pain]: My back...
Jake: ... you look mad, so ... that's uh ...
[Amir slaps Jake]
Jake: Ow! If you don't know how to celebrate, just clap twice and go all right!
[Amir claps twice]
Amir: AH!
Jake: So you heard the beginning and not the end. Just clap twice and say all right.
Amir: ALL RICE.
Jake: All - no.
Amir: HENRY!
Jake: Okay, you're getting further away from it. This is crazy. Let's say you won the lottery, all right? What do
you do? How do you celebrate?
[Amir unbuckles his belt and bends down]
Amir: Grrrr. Shit on ye!
Jake: That is the weirdest thing you have ever done! Do you not know how to celebrate? Have you never been
happy before? You're an alien.
Rosie: I think I really messed something up. Something popped.
Jake: This has gone SO poorly. I'm done hanging out with you, okay? You're a weird person and you have no
grasp of social norms, and then you slapped me and that really hurt so I'm putting myself at risk of bodily harm
by hanging out with you. I'm done. I'm going back to work.
[Rosie pulls chair out from under Jake as he goes to sit down, Jake stands]
Jake: OH NO! Nice try! Trying to get J-Witz on the same prank? I don't think so. Suck it, fuck it, AH AH AH, bend
you over a bucket bitch, who's with me?
[Amir punches Jake]
Jake: OW, what the fu-
Rosie: I'm cold... I trusted you!