PREVIOUSLY ON JAKE AND AMIR...:
AMIR: Remember how you told me to hire a dating coach to help me hit on girls better?
JAKE: (sighs) No.
BEN SCHWARTZ: (rolls in on chair and shakes hands with Amir) Amir Blumenfeld, how are you.
BEN SCHWARTZ: That's your girl, ok?
AMIR: Sure.
AMIR: I've.. been, I've-- we were.. toge-together--
JAKE: -n with, secondly, were are you guys gonna go to lunch? Because thirdly, (slaps Amir on his shoulder) we're coming with.
INTRO:
DEEP DRAMATIC VOICE (SAM REICH): You are watching Jake and-- (coughs)
AMIR: (clears throat) Amir. Whoa, that was weird.
JAKE: Yeah.
[Jake and Amir are standing outside Ricky's office, while Sarah and Hallie talk inside Ricky's office.]
AMIR: I think I shouldn't be wearing a shirt, remember?
JAKE: (sighs) I don't care, what you do, at all...
BEN SCHWARTZ: (rolls in on office chair) Why are you wearing a shirt? You shouldn't be wearing a shirt. You should be peacocking all over the place.
(Amir looks at Jake with disdain as he takes off his sweater.)
BEN SCHWARTZ: So this is what we're gonna do, we'll lead off-- concentrate, we'll lead off with a joke. (to Jake) Do you know any funny jokes?
JAKE: Guy walks into a bar, ouch.
BEN SCHWARTZ: (laughs like a seal loudly, making Jake and Amir cover their ears and Sara and Hallie look at him strangely) HAHEAH! UEH UHUHUH! UUUEH!--
AMIR: Ah! What's that?
BEN SCHWARTZ: That's the way I laugh. Not a big deal. When you get in there, you guys are gonna be like Raisin Bran over my aunt's ***s, ok?
AMIR: I don't get that! Whenev--
BEN SCHWARTZ: Let's get in there and let's do it. Let's get in there and do that. (to Jake) We'll get you a dick, let's do it.
JAKE: (to Ben Schwartz) Hey!
(The three guys walk into Ricky's office.)
AMIR: Ladies.
SARAH: Amir, Jake. A word. (She gets up and leads them out of Ricky's office, shoving Amir.)
BEN SCHWARTZ: (to Hallie) Is that seat taken?
HALLIE: Um, kind of, yeah.
BEN SCHWARTZ: Yeah, by me, probably.
[Sarah is talking to Jake and Amir outside Ricky's office.]
SARAH: You guys, seriously, how many times do I have to tell you not to talk to my sister? (to Jake) YOU had your chance; (to Amir) You left her in the middle of a park during your date!
AMIR: (unbuttoning his shirt) Yeah, that was a weird thing.
SARAH: What are you doing?!
AMIR: Peacocking! One second!
SARAH: Just leave that on, you guys are both disgusting, god. (walks back into Ricky's office.)
[Ben Schwartz is trying to seduce Hallie, leaning towards her and talking while she leans away.]
BEN SCHWARTZ: --let you be the princess of my--
AMIR: (to Ben Schwartz) Whoa! Amir. A word.
[Amir and Ben Schwartz are talking outside Ricky's office.]
AMIR: K, what the heck was that?
BEN SCHWARTZ: First of all, you gotta pay me that $150,000 when this is done, ok? The other thing is I'm setting you up.
[Jake, Sarah, and Hallie are sitting at the table in Ricky's office.]
JAKE: So...--
SARAH: Don't!
(Amir's voice can be heard from outside the room: --you being nice to her, and you just told me not to be--)
JAKE: ...It's nice to see you. That's it.
[Back to outside Ricky's office.]
BEN SCHWARTZ: No, I was trying to be your fern to a s- a salad sandwich, you know what I mean?
AMIR: Always, with the things I don't get, I don't know metaphors...
BEN SCHWARTZ: Ok, fine, then what do you like?
AMIR: Chicken nuggets, P.O.D., Freddy Got Fingered,--
BEN SCHWARTZ: Ok good, it was like P.O.D. was eating chicken nuggets--
(Amir immediately laughs, and Ben Schwartz joins in with his seal laugh.)
BEN SCHWARTZ: Yeah, yeah, you got it?
[Amir and Ben Schwartz are entering Ricky's office, by foot and rolling chair, respectively.]
BEN SCHWARTZ: Jake, Sarah? A word?
(Jake and Sarah reluctantly get up and leave.)
[Amir is talking to Hallie inside Ricky's office, while Jake, Sarah, and Ben Schwartz listen and watch through the glass walls from outside.]
AMIR: Hi, Hallie, hmhm (awkward laugh) Uh, everyone-- (the camera reveals that Amir is not wearing a shirt) --sorry, everyone is asking me to be one way, or.. another, and, I'm just-- I can't do that anymore, I just have to be honest with you.
HALLIE: That's great, Amir.
AMIR: I think you're a stupid ugly bitch, and I hate your shoes. (clenches his face and crosses his fingers in suspense, while Hallie looks away slowly)
(Ben Schwartz crosses his fingers and gives a thumbs up from outside the room. Sarah grabs Amir's shirt that was on her head and tosses it aside.)
AMIR: So do you wanna... What do you wanna do, do you wanna go on a date, or hug me, or.. how does that work out?
(Hallie gets up and leaves.)
AMIR: Some alone time. Totally cool. I need my space too.
END.