INTRO
Jake - (Beatboxing) You're watching Jake and Amir
Amir - Pretty good.
Jake - It was great!
WILL: Paul will be in in a minute.
AMIR: Thanks, Will!
WILL: And, I know it's not my place. But I hope you not only get fired for what you did, but also get the death penalty. You Godless ass. You trash man.
AMIR: You're right, Will. It's not your place.
Amir flicks his tongue between his fingers.
WILL: You coward.
Will leaves.
AMIR: You Diva! You Prince! Thief!
An intern, Meryl, walks in.
MERYL: I'm sorry is this a bad time?
AMIR: Not for me it's not.
MERYL: It's Mr. Greenberg right?
AMIR: Actually it's CEOh- yeah! MR. Mr. Greenberg to you.
MERYL: Ok. I'm Meryl. And I'm an intern here, and I really need to go home early today.
AMIR: Take a seat.
Meryl sits.
AMIR: What's bothering you kid?
MERYL: It's kind of private.
AMIR: Well I'm kind of your boss. Right? And what you're doing is kind of affecting your performance, so unless you kinda tell me what's kinda private, I'm gonna fire you. And not in a kind of way. In an actual way.
MERYL: I just found out I'm six months pregnant.
AMIR: Oh?
MERYL: That's too late to terminate. My parents hate my boyfriend and they think I'm still a virgin. They're gonna disown me. I dunno what to do.
AMIR: Stop it, alright, Meryl, listen to me... Your-- your life is over.
MERYL - What?
AMIR: And not in a good way, not in like a LETS START OVER kinda way, in a, uh, I MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD kinda way. (Chuckling) Welcome to Hell. Population... two.
MERYL: (tearing up) I know.
AMIR: Lemme ask you what does the old boyfriend have to say about this?
MERYL: Randy doesn't know yet.
AMIR: Wow gay name.
MERYL I'm so afraid he's gonna leave me.
AMIR: Why are you afraid of that? Why aren't you sure that he will? I mean, I'm not afraid of the sun rising and setting tomorrow because I know it's going to happen. Right? You know what else I'm sure of? You're gonna raise that baby by yourself.
Meryl starts to cry.
AMIR: Don't cry, come on, don't cry. It's just that you're so ugly when you cry. It's true. You look ugly when you cry, I should say.
Meryl cries harder. Paul enters with Will.
PAUL: Well I don't know who you know in the DA's office, but the city's not going to press charges.
AMIR: Woo!
PAUL: However, I am going to fire you.
AMIR: No!!!
Will claps
PAUL (to Meryl): Who are you?
MERYL: I'm an intern. I was in here trying to cut out of work early to go to this fucking rave but this jackass has been grilling me so hard that I have to come clean. He has a keen sense of right and wrong and a true gravitas about him. In fact... permission to sit on your face?
AMIR: Denied!
PAUL: Re-hired!
AMIR: Hyeah!!!
WILL: What? But sir, this makes no sense!
PAUL: What are you gonna do. Hey Amir, how'd you know she wasn't prgenant?
AMIR: To be honest, Paul, I didn't!
Everyone cracks up.
Jake walks in wearing a wife beater and covered in glowsticks.
JAKE: Hey Meryl did you get the day off yet? For your the uh... the pregnancy? Oh man, I'm high.
THE END