INT. OFFICE- DAY Jake and Amir sit across from eachother. Amir is in a tuxedo. He lifts up a one hundred dollar bill on fire and lights a cigar.
AMIR: It's good to be the king!
JAKE: You shouldn't be doing that.
AMIR: It's not a JOINT. Besides, I CAN AFFORD IT.
JAKE: No it's like illegal. In New York. To smoke in a building.
AMIR: Shit. (extinguishes) Really? I don't wanna get in trouble. Not today.
Amir takes out a LITTLE HAND HELD FAN.
JAKE: Why do you have one of those?
AMIR: Now that I'm a rich bitch, I can buy anything I want.
JAKE: And one of the things you wanted was a tiny fan?
AMIR: Yeah!
JAKE: How are you rich?
AMIR: Great question!
JAKE: Nevermind.
AMIR: How many almonds would you say is the perfect amount?
JAKE: I said nevermind.
AMIR: I wanna know.
JAKE: I dunno. Two dozen?
AMIR: I am the proud owner of OneAlmond.com.
JAKE: What do you think I said?
AMIR: Huh?
JAKE: When you asked me how much is the perfect amount of Almonds, what do you think I said?
AMIR: Lemme rephrase that -- How much do you think Google.com is worth?
JAKE: Billions. Tens of Billions of Dollars.
AMIR: And OneAlmond.com?
JAKE: Zero dollars.
AMIR: Zero dollars or zero BILLION dollars?
JAKE: Both. Zero dollars.
AMIR: (hand extended) How much would you pay for court seats at the Yankees? Gun to your head how much would you pay for court seats to the Yankees.
JAKE: Don't put your hand up like that.
AMIR: How much would you pay?
JAKE: Put your hand down, that's... irritating me.
AMIR: What, why?
JAKE: It's like
AMIR: Invading your space?
JAKE: Yeah, it's like you're challenging me. Your interrupting me as you want me to speak and it makes me angry.
AMIR: What is it about One Almond that's just perfect?
JAKE: I don't know. Nothing?
AMIR: Don't just say nothing. Cause it's not just a domain name, I'm building an empire.
JAKE: Right now it's a photo of you, holding a single walnut.
AMIR: Almond.
JAKE: It's not.
AMIR: Ok you know what? No. How about no. For once, you're gonna tell me what you really think. Cause I'm a God damn genius and I'm tired of feeling like a chump in your eyes.
JAKE: I'm jealous, ok? I'm jealous I didn't think of onealmond.com first because I think it's a great idea and it's gonna be worth billions. I'm just being negative cause I'm jealous, there, that's it. Let's drop it.
AMIR: You mean that?
JAKE: Yeah.
AMIR (picks up his phone) Hey Danny? Yup, I talked to a colleague with a more level head as you suggested and guess what? HE AGREED WITH ME BITCH! SO TAKE YOUR OFFER AND GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH IT! I DON'T CARE IF MY ATTITUDE IS CLOSING THE DOOR FOR FUTURE NEGOTIATIONS! YOU'RE A RAT WEASLE. YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, AND MAYBE NOT ALWAYS WILL BE BUT TO ME YOU WILL AT LEAST BE ONE. Double your offer!? DOUBLE YOUR BYE BYE!
JAKE: What's going on?
AMIR: Some billionaire real estate mogul called me this morning -- he's building a luxury highrise on ONE ALMOND street and offered me 1.5 million for the domain name, let alone the pic of me with that cashew or whatever the fuck.
JAKE: Walnut.
AMIR: Either way. I felt like I was sitting on a goldmine, and now my notion has been confirmed by YOU, my best friend. SO I guess I have you to SPANK for that.
Amir starts getting up.
JAKE: Sit down. Do not come over here to spank me.
AMIR: But I must. I must Spank you very much.
JAKE: Sit the fuck down dude, you're making me nervous.
Amir slides under the table.
JAKE: GET AWAY FROM ME DUDE!!!
THE END
POST SCRIPT: Amir trying desperately and realistically to spank Jake.