INTRO
EMILY: You're watching a really hot Jack and Amos.
JAKE: Jake and Amir.
MURPH: It was perfect!
[Jake, Murph, Emily and Neko sit around a small table. Murph spins the empty wine bottle, and it points to Emily.]
MURPH: Call me Sonny Bono-- not because I died in a horrific ski accident-- but because... [singing] I got you, babe!
JAKE: Wow. ...Mean joke.
[Murph and Emily make out for a very long time. Emily stares at Jake the whole time. So does Murph. Jake looks freaked out.]
EMILY: Mmmm, mmmm-- oh, that was a good one. Add it to our kiss Twitter, babe.
MURPH: Yeah! Hashtag open mouth, hashtag amazing, hashtag she was lookin' at Jake the whole time...
EMILY: My turn!
[Emily grabs the bottle, forcefully turns it toward Jake, and pokes him with it.]
JAKE: ...I'm down for a peck, but, uh... only if it's cool with Neko!
[Jake and Emily lean over the table toward each other. Emily grabs Jake's face and holds him there as she makes out with him.]
EMILY: [muffled by Jake's face] God, that feels right...
[Murph stares at them. Eventually Jake breaks free.]
JAKE: Get off me, you wench! Neko, you just witnessed an assault.
MURPH: It's your turn, Jake. Spin the bottle.
JAKE: I'm a hundred percent down to not play--
MURPH: Spin the bottle, Jake.
[Jake spins. It stops, pointing at Murph.]
JAKE: Weak. ...Okay. That's um... That's a re-spin, right, Neko? That's a re-spin.
[Jake goes to spin again, but Murph stops him.]
MURPH: I don't like it any more than you do, Jake, but we need to kiss passionately.
JAKE: ...Why?
MURPH: [whispering] Because those are the rules. And they were pretty convenient when you were tonguing my soulmate, AKA my future wife!
[Murph holds up his hand out of Emily's view again, showing Jake the ring.]
JAKE: [whispering] Dude, take that off. Take it off.
MURPH: Kiss me, Jake.
JAKE: Fine. One, two, three.
[Jake and Murph lean in and quickly kiss each other.]
JAKE: There, dude. Are you satisfie--
[Murph grabs Jake by the head and pulls him in again, trying to french-kiss him.]
JAKE: Oh! Neko... Neko, help me!
MURPH: I'm frenching you 'cuz you frenched her!
JAKE: Stop it, dude! Make him stop it... What're you--
MURPH: Do you want it to stop?
JAKE: Dude, I want everything to stop!
[Jake pulls away.]
JAKE: What the fuck was that?
[Murph just shakes his head.]
JAKE: Outside. On the balcony, right now.
[Jake leaves.]
MURPH: Babe, I'm gonna go talk to Jake on the balcony.
EMILY: Okay.
MURPH: Bye.
[Murph kisses Emily, then leaves. Amir returns with dessert.]
AMIR: Ladies and gentlemen, dessert is served! Lemon sorbet with a chocolate mousse.
EMILY: Cold food hurts Neko's teeth.
AMIR: Of fucking course.
[Jake and Murph talk on the balcony.]
JAKE: Look, man, Emily is not the right girl. Alright? I don't know if Emily is into me, or if she's just... generally insane, but... I-- I just-- I just-- I don't think you can propose to her. Okay?
MURPH: ...Yeah, man.
JAKE: [calming down] I-- I mean, this night has been... insane!
MURPH: It's-- It's been crazy...
JAKE: Right?
MURPH: It's nuts.
JAKE: I think we're gonna be better friends for it, though. I really do.
[Jake and Murph shake. Suddenly, Murph slips his arm under Jake's center of gravity, hoists him up onto his shoulders, and moves toward the edge of the balcony.]
JAKE: Whoa, dude! No!
To Be Continued...