Jake and Amir are sat at their desks, both typing, Amir is staring at Jake
Jake: Okay, dude, sorry but you have to stop posting on Reddit
Amir: Relax, I only post cool and interesting stories, at most, one a month
Jake: You've posted thirty nine hundred times today
Amir: I said at most
Jake: Then you're using that word wrong
Amir: You're a bigger circlejerking diva than the commenters, and that's saying a lot
Jake: Right, the last thing you uploaded thirty seconds ago was a picture of the guy from Futurama with, I think this is your dick-
Amir: interrupting -it's not
Jake: photoshopped onto his forehead-
Amir: interrupting again -oh yeah it is
Jake: The text not sure if y'all commenters are a bunch of circlejerking divas or if I'm universally hated by everybody, it's the second thing
Amir: It's called a me-me
Jake: No, it's called a meme, wow y'no you also tried to start a ton of AMAs. I am a coward and a fool who's dad moved out on him not once not twelve but a dozen times, Ask me anything
Amir: Yeah
Jake: My dad is a diva, ask me anything
Amir: Yeah
Jake: I'll go dickless for Michael Chiklis, ask me almost anything
Amir: Yeah
Jake: What is that?
Amir: AMAs, okay? Its like an interview, it stands for ask me anywh-time
Jake: Wrong. What the fuck is going dickless for Michael Chiklis?
Amir: I needed the upvotes
Jake: You never get any upvotes, you have thousands of downvotes.
Amir: It's called 'karma' Jake, and correct me if I'm wrong (laugh) but I got a lot of it
Jake: you are wrong
Amir: then correct me
Jake: what are these hundreds and hundreds of posts on /r/trees just picture after picture of you trying to light a joint, your eyebrows on fire and you're crying and smiling.
Amir: I'm an ent that needed the uptokes
Jake: okay right I see that I am high as a knife, ask me anything if this gets a thousand uptokes I won't kill myself? So sad.
Amir: How's this for sad? I was at a three when I wrote that
Jake: That is sad because that's not very high and you went to a really dark place, threatened to kill yourself in an online community where everybody hates you
Amir: Will you just uptoke it okay? I'll go dickless for Chiklis literally this afternoon if you uptoke it
Jake: I won't, because you know what? your comments on all these other posts are actually really mean, like on this-
Amir: interrupting awh, one example? give me one example
Jake: at the same time - video of a dog, are you serious, I'll give you a ton of examples, okay? like on this video of a dog squealing with joy when his soldier owner comes home
Amir: I already know what you're gonna say, okay? and just know that I did it for the lols
Jake: You did this for lols why the bitch is this on the front page? am I the only one who thinks dogs aren't cute or capable of having real emotions
Amir: yeah
Jake:if this gets downvoted I'll shut up, my dick is off for Michael Chick if this gets one more D-vote
Amir: and guess what man...
Jake: Hundreds of downvotes
Amir: really?
Jake: Yeah, do you not check, do you follow up at all?
Amir: no I never go back
Jake: You would be depressed if you went through your reddit history, okay, here's another picture posted here of the pope and the caption says prays for starving children while sitting on a golden throne.
Amir: laughs
Jake: what, you think that's funny now
Amir: (whilst Jake is talking)yeah
Jake: cause you didn't when you left this comment atheist fucks going to hell for talking smack about this God guy, bury me with downvotes if you disagree. You know, why do you, why do you ask for the downvotes?
Amir: I'm like a martyr
Jake: but if you agree, meet me at blockbuster, because we're renting rampart and then ramming each other's farts, then right under that you write Commenter above me is a philosopher, upvote him to karma heaven
Amir mock prays
Jake: Right under that you write I am the pope in this picture, ask me anything
Amir: that thread was dead
Jake: stop trying to protect yourself, you're coming up with excuses, just admit nobody on Reddit likes you
Amir: nobody likes me
Jake: This guy 'ForthewolfX' replied to you saying leave Reddit alone, love, everybody and his comment got (Amir is waving two thumbs down) thousands of upvotes
Amir: oh
Jake: and in response you decided to post a picture of Calvin trying to piss on Michael Chiklis, but there's no pee
Amir: yeah, guess why
Jake: did he go dickless-
Amir: -(interrupting at the start of the word dickless) he went dickless for him, yeah, exactly right, ask him anytime.