Amir: Hey, you're watching Jake... and I guess that's it cause I suck!
Jake: Wow, come on.
Jake: Hey, Man.
Amir: Hey, Man.
Jake: How you feelin'?
Amir: Bueno.
Jake: Buddy, you're not "Bueno".
Amir: I'm not your "Buddy", Buddy.
Jake: Go home, just go home.
Amir: You would love that, wouldn't you?
Jake: Yes, everyone would love that. You're covered in puke and shit.
Amir: And... shit!
Jake: Said that, I said "shit".
Amir: It's called 'food poisoning'.
Jake: Exactly, and when you have it, you go home.
Amir: I'm toughing it out!
Jake: You're obviously not toughing it out, right? You've been crying this entire time. Will you at least go to the bathroom?
Amir: Losers go to the bathroom. Winners go to the back room, to get blows.
Jake: Right, no one is going to "blows" you. Okay? Your crotch is covered in your own feces. Which is kind of crazy considering feces is supposed to come out the back.
Amir: Yeah, it did come out the back but then the smell was just overpowering me so I flipped the script, switched the pants around.
Jake: Weird logic.
Amir: If I could feel my arms, honestly, I'd give you a noogie right now.
Jake: Right, wouldn't let you give me a noogie because your fingers, like your crotch, is just covered in your own shit and puke.
Amir: Why did this happen to me?
Jake: Because for dinner you had a raw chicken, egg, and cheese sandwich on a frozen hot pocket.
Amir: I knew you'd bring that up.
Jake: You asked me! You washed the entire meal down with a glass of warm toilet water.
Amir: It was a dare.
Jake: Everybody was daring you to not do it.
Amir: Yeah, and guess what? I chickened out! Hehe, raw chicken that is! vomits Oh, look at me, I have diarrhea of the mouth, and diarrhea of the south.
Jake: So, just regular diarrhea?
Amir: No, bueno.
Man: Eeeh, Jake, the pizza's here. Oh...
Man 2: So, Amir's still here.
Amir: Oh, I get it. You didn't come in here to bond with me. You came in to ask me to leave.
Jake: Yeah, dude, I've been trying to kick you out of the office since I got here.
Amir: Well, I guess it's first come, first slerve on the Zsa Zsa Gabor. So, outta my way, dimwits. I'm looking for...
Jake: Dude, come on.
Amir: You want the nice golden brown. This is not...
Jake: Don't! At least let me hand you a slice, you're getting shit all over the pizza.
Amir: Wait a second, is this cheese pizza?
Jake: What are you talking about? It's pizza!
Amir: Yeah, but you didn't say it was cheese! Aw, I'm going to yarf.
Jake: Fine, don't yarf near the pizza!
Amir: It's too late, I'm actually mid yarf.
Jake: You're not mid yarf, at least turn your head.
Amir: Keep the box open!
Jake: No, you can't even turn your head?
Man 2: Aw, Jake, you ruined the pizza.
Jake: Amir ruined the pizza.
Man: You puked on it.
Amir: Go home, Jake!
Man 3: What happened?
Man 2: Jake ruined the pizza, he's sick.
Collective chant: Go home, Jake!
Amir Blumenfeld 2002-Forever