INTRO
JAKE: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
AMIR: And I love you for it.
JAKE: Nice.
AMIR: I was talking to you.
(JAKE and AMIR are soaking together at the soaking pool)
AMIR : This L.A. pool party is going swimmingly (chuckling). (looks upset) (mumbling) Jesus christ! Oh my God. Can you tell these jokes that anyone, anyone would laugh at. And just met this silence and his being such a f.. Why befriends with them.. So clear what's going on here. He's tryin' to aggie one to tell more jokes. That's the only way to interpret this. Like why would somebody be such a dumb not funny asshole.
JAKE : (paying attention to Amir) You know, I can hear you.
AMIR : (Shouting) I.. You know what, f**k you very much! I'm leaving. (Stands up)
JAKE : Oh o my God! Sit down! Sit down! You're completely naked.
AMIR: I'll sit. Under one condition
JAKE : (interrupting) You're already sitting.
AMIR : Fine. (shakes his head and sighs) I'm bored. Let's chicken fight.
JAKE : Yea, you're not gonna straddle my neck.
AMIR : WOW! Presumptuous much! You're straddling mine.
JAKE : Okay, so just to recap. You followed me across the country to my aunt's house, got completely naked in her kitchen, and then cannonballed into her Jacuzzi, you stood up, and said "Let's turn up the heat and turn on the jets. And you started to pissing and blowing bubbles in the water with your mouth. By the way you swallowed a lot of pee water.
AMIR : (Spurts) No.
JAKE : Yeah, you did. That was bright yellow, buddy.
AMIR : Buddy.
JAKE : Buddy.
AMIR : Buddy.
JAKE : Then you waited half an hour to tell that swimmingly-I guess-it-was-a-joke.
AMIR : It took me awhile to think of it just now. I'm sorry.
JAKE : You didn't think of it just now cause I heard you practicing it in the kitchen.
AMIR : Once. Maybe.
JAKE: Twice. Definitely. I also heard you practicing it last night.
AMIR : A little bit.
JAKE : Okay. Well then you keep on lying cause first you said you thought of it just now
AMIR : Yea. (Nods)
JAKE : Then you admitted to practicing it in the kitchen
AMIR : Right. Yea!
JAKE : And then you admitted to practicing it again last night.
AMIR : Yes.
JAKE : So you constantly back paddling and telling lies.
AMIR : Yes.
JAKE : Everything you say is wrong.
AMIR : (Mumbling) How is this wrong, it was my birthday last week and you didn't do jack squat about it.
JAKE : Yea it wasn't, Co... Oh no.
AMIR : Yea.
JAKE : It was.
AMIR : Yea.
JAKE : Wow.
AMIR : Yea.
JAKE : I'm sorry.
AMIR: Yea.
JAKE : I totally forgot.
AMIR : Yeah.
JAKE: Where'd you get that?
AMIR : It's a whatchamacallit.
JAKE : Look I'm sorry.
AMIR : I'm sorry too. Sorry you did me like that.
JAKE : That's not why you're sorry, that's why I'm sorry.
AMIR : Yeah, you are sorry. Sorry for forgetting my birthday.
JAKE : Exactly. That's.. fine I deserved that.
AMIR : Yea you did deserve it. You deserved it because you're sorry because you forgot my birthday maybe.
JAKE : Not maybe.Yes, definitely. Look, everything you're saying is something that I'm saying myself.
AMIR : Exactly, I'm saying it because you said...
JAKE : (interrupting Amir) Oh my God.. Look if there's anything I can do to make it up to you just let me know.
AMIR : I guess there's one thing.
JAKE : (Amir carries Jake on his back and plays chicken fight by themselves) Okay, I think we're done here.
AMIR : No no no no... Not until we got a competitor
JAKE : I don't think anybody's coming.
AMIR : Then we'll wait! Okay, we'll wait.
JAKE : Dude, you're.. You're not very steady.. (Jake starts falling)
THE END : Jake And Amir : Jacuzzi