Intro
AMIR: You're watching Jake and Amir. We PIMP's.
JAKE: Stick to the script...
AMIR: PIMP's.
Office
[Amir arrives]
JAKE: Hey, nine hours late today.
AMIR: Mondays...
JAKE: Thursday, and why is your shirt soaking wet?
AMIR: Laundry day! Ooh, that was hard.
JAKE: Was hard... Never act like I'm incorrect.
AMIR: Sorry, just that Tuesdays are my laundry day.
JAKE: It's Thursday, and you just thought it was Monday.
AMIR: Yeah, last Saturday I thought it was Sunday, turns out it was Thursday, how's that for a Tuesday? Talk about the worst Monday ever, Wednesday.
JAKE: Start making sense, now.
AMIR: I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning in the first time in a calender year. Spotted a pile of laundry, my laundry and dirty clothes and said haahahaa... Not today!
JAKE: You said: haahahaa... Not today!?
AMIR: That's exactly right. Then I washed it, I dried it, I folded it, and to top that o-
JAKE: [Interrupts] I'm gonna stop you right there because you didn't dry it.
AMIR: I didn't fold it either, but you're not busting my chops about that are you? You know what your problem is? You bust my chops, and I love you for it.
JAKE: I'm not gonna talk to you for the rest of the day I think...
AMIR: I'm air-drying okay? Sorry.
JAKE: It's 20 degrees outside, do you not feel cold?
AMIR: I don't feel anything, Okay. I'm numb... And cold.
JAKE: So cold.
AMIR: I'm numb though too, numb and cold. So numb that I don't even feel how cold I am.
JAKE: Yeah, you're numb because you're cold.
AMIR: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true exactly right okay. It's the first time you've ever made a point so legit that I didn't want to punch you in the tits about it.
JAKE: Unclench your fist. What are you doing? Chill out, okay? You want to now ha?
AMIR: [Punches Jake] Changed my mind.
JAKE: Why are you being so agressive right now?
AMIR: Maybe becacuse you haven't even complimented me once about washing my clothes.
JAKE: You did a bad job.
AMIR: I did a good job of washing it, of washing it I said.
JAKE: [Smells Amir's shirt] Ooh, no you didn't.
AMIR: It's vinegar.
JAKE: It's vinegar.
AMIR: It's vinegar.
JAKE: Why vinegar?
AMIR: Why are you not complimenting me, okay. Just because it's vinegar it doesn't mean you're not gonna compliment me.
JAKE: It's exactly what it means, yes.
AMIR: [Sigh] Here come the waterworks...
JAKE: Are you waiting for me to cry, or-
AMIR: Yeah I'm waiting for you.
JAKE: You're crying.
AMIR: You're the one who's about to.
JAKE: You're crying.
AMIR: It's both of us, look at us crying up here like a bunch of ninnies. [Laughs] Everyone turn back, don't look at us two dudes, two grown men just sharing a beef.
JAKE: What are you...What's a beef?
AMIR: We're beefing right now.
JAKE: No, we're not.
AMIR: Yeah, we're having a beef, that's what it's called when two guys just hang out and start crying, they're giving a beef.
JAKE: We're not b-
AMIR: We're beefing!
JAKE: We're not.
AMIR: We're beefing!
JAKE: You're beefing.
AMIR: We're beefing!
JAKE: You are beefing.
AMIR: We're beefing!
JAKE: Oh my god I feel so sorry for you right now.
AMIR: We're beefing!
JAKE: Allright.
AMIR: I'm a beef.
CH Outro
AMIR: We're beefing!
THE END
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