INTRO
JAKE: You're watching Jake and Amir.
AMIR: And Amir.
JAKE: I already said both names.
AMIR: Did you?
AMIR: Hey dude, will you check out my album?
JAKE: No.
AMIR: You didn't even let me finish!
JAKE: Yes I did, I just said no really quickly.
AMIR: Will you just give my album a listen and let me know what you think?
JAKE: How is that different than checking it out, which I just said no to?
AMIR: I, yeah, it's just that I spent like a bad amount of money recording this album and I really wanna know what your opinion is because I respect it... Not!
JAKE: Okay, so I'm not gonna check out the album.
AMIR: (starts crying) Nononononono what? Oh my God, I was kidding, okay? It's like a 'Not' joke, and you're crying about it! How is that-
JAKE: -You're crying.
AMIR: Please just let me know what you think, okay? Just give it a listen and tweet about it, then maybe, like, Facebook about it, blog about it, Tumble about it.
JAKE: Okay, one: you're still crying, two: it sounds like you want me to promote the album.
AMIR: That's the least you can do, okay, after I spent, like, a bad amount of money recording it.
JAKE: Stop saying that! And it's not the least I can do; the least I can do is ignore you, which I plan on doing.
AMIR: Okay, ignore me, huh? Ignore (plays album) this!
(bad radio frequency sounds are playing)
JAKE: Oh, no...
AMIR: Right?
JAKE: Okay, is this the album?
AMIR: This is shit! Oh my God, if they botched the entire thing I'm gonna be pissed.
JAKE: Sounds like you should be pissed.
AMIR: No, this is just what track number one sounds like. I'm just... If the rest of it sounds like this I'm gonna be pissed because I spent, like,
JAKE AND AMIR: a bad amount of money.
JAKE: I know.
AMIR: I spent a bad amount of money on it.
JAKE: What's a bad amount of money?
AMIR: It's like the worst amount.
(Amir's recorded voice starts playing)
AMIR: (on album) Yo, alright, here we go, here we go, here we go, yo! Oh, okay. Turn my mic up, actually. Can you turn my mic up? I spent, like, a bad amount of money for this recording session, and my mic isn't even up!
JAKE: So this is the album.
AMIR: (turns album off) Good question. It's called Chillin' in the Streets: the Night Diary of Amir Valerie Blumenfeld, a Jake Hurwitz Production.
JAKE: Awesome. Take my name off the title.
AMIR: Oh, now you give a shit! For two minutes it's just radio silence, and all of a sudden I give you some credit - one iota, not too much, just enough - and you come out of the wood works. Well guess what?
JAKE: What?
AMIR: I don't know, man. I don't know what I'm gonna say-
JAKE: -Take my name off the title!
AMIR: Wanna know the worst part?
JAKE: That you spent a bad amount of money-
AMIR: -That I spent a bad amount of money!
JAKE: Relax! You're yelling, okay?
AMIR: I have an earache.