Amir : (at the gas station) (speaking to the machine) One gas please!
JAKE : Cool. I'll pump the gas then.
AMIR : Hey, one second! (speaking to the machine) One gas please.. To go or to stay?
JAKE : Look, I appreciate the effort but you clearly lied when you said you knew how to pump gas.
AMIR : I wanted you to think I was cool.
JAKE : I didn't, I thought you were normal. When you said you could pump gas I thought you were normal person but now I think you're a weirdo cause you lied about it.
AMIR: Hey, sorry I'm not a (air-quoting) genius.
JAKE : Be sorry that you can't pump gas! Be sorry for lying about it. Come on, we have to get this FIAT tour at contest winner.
AMIR : Here's a riddle, how many dillweeds does it take to pump a tank?
JAKE : I don't know.
AMIR : Two.
JAKE : Nope, I'm not a dillweed. You are! It takes one normal person, me, to pump gas.
AMIR : (taking a picture of Jake) Oh that's one for the scrapbook hahaha. Two helpless bozos at the gas station.
JAKE : No.
AMIR : Alright, I'm gonna get snacks. What kind of jerky do you want?
JAKE : No kind. Just, please use the bathroom!
AMIR : I'm good, thank you.
JAKE : Okay you say that. We could've been making a great time, okay this car has good gas mileage, moved that to pullover eleventh time so you could pee.
AMIR : I'm fine, relax...
JAKE : I'll relax if you go to the bathroom.
JAKE : Okay, try, come on...
(inside the car)
Amir : (holding a jerry can of water)
Jake : You really think that given your bladder in the amount of time we've spent pulled over so you can pee today, that water, is the best idea?
AMIR : That got us dehydrated, man.
JAKE : Okay, okay. (starting the engine)
AMIR : Pull over please, I got a whizz.
JAKE : (car engine stops) I hate you.
THE END
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