INTRO
JAKE: You're watching Jake and Amir.
AMIR: Hi Mom! Ahahaha
JAKE: God...
AMIR: Bye mom.
AMIR: Oh, this is rich! (Clapping slowly, laughing, standing up) Okay, this is rich! Slow clap, huh? (Looking around) Slow clap for Rosie, huh? Hey, headphones off people! (awkwardly laughs) ...or on. Uh, yeah. (defeatedly shakes his head, sits down)
JAKE: Don't feel bad, all right? Everyone's busy.
AMIR: Everyone's pissy.
JAKE: They're busy.
AMIR: What did I do?
JAKE: You interrupted their--
AMIR: (interrupts) Allow me to read an email from one Jeff Rosie Rosenburg. (mockingly reads an email) 'Hey guys, just a heads up. (Amir laughs) I have an appointment this afternoon and I'm cutting out around four.' (claps and laughs) Brava! But your lie has failed. Is anyone else crying bullshit on this?
JAKE: You are the only one that cries anything on this, and you showed up to work seven hours late today so maybe don't call Rosie out on being a bad employee.
ROSIE: (sighs) I'm outta here.
AMIR: You're not going anywhere until you tell everybody in this office where you're headed and don't do it yet, because I want a front seat.
ROSIE: A therapist.
AMIR: Where ya going today, good sir?
ROSE: A therapist.
AMIR: (laughs, shoves popcorn in his mouth) And why, pray tell, are you going to the therapist?
ROSIE: Battling depression, actually.
AMIR: The plot thins! (laughs) Hey why didn't you say so in the email, okay? Instead of making me come over here and force it out of you like I'm some sort of hero.
ROSIE: It's a little embarrassing to admit. Especially like this.
AMIR: Yeah, you're making me look like a chump though! Okay, I wouldn't do that to you!
ROSIE: Sorry!
AMIR: Okay, everybody, take a knee. Rosie has an apology to say to me. And... to everyone here if he's NUT enough!
JAKE: Amir! You gotta drop it, okay! I realize what you're doing--You're trying to save face on this, (Amir nods) but that ship has sailed.
AMIR: (shoves popcorn in his mouth) I have to power through! Is this hair even real? (yanks on Rosie's ponytail) Okay... Sorry.
(Rosie gets up and is walking away)
AMIR: Nah nah nah nah! Nah nah nah nah! Hey, hey hey! Good (pauses)
JAKE: Bye.
AMIR: NIGHT!
JAKE: No!
ROSIE: (outside, on cell phone) Hey, babe. Yeah, they bought the therapy thing. I'll see you in Vegas! (leaves on a motorcycle and crashes off-screen)