[Introduction]
Amir: Jake and Amir present: This episode. laughs
Jake: Not that funny.
Amir: Okay.
[Jake is sitting at his desk, Amir walks in wearing a wet shirt]
(Jake sniffs and rolls his eyes as Amir enters)
Amir: Good morning.
Jake: Go home!
Amir: Good morning, I-
Jake (Interrupting Amir): Go home and shower and change.
Amir: Good morning, I said!
Jake: It's 2 PM and you're coming in for the first time, and you're literally dripping with cologne.
Amir: Okay relax, Romeo.
Jake: I don't get that reference, man. I don't know what you did, but my eyes are watering.
Amir: I did exactly what you told me to do, Okay? One spritz. Tss Tss
Jake: Two spritzes.
Amir: And I walked right through, okay?
Jake: It looks like you're wearing a cologne bib.
Amir: Alright, you want the truth?
Jake: I want you to leave, okay? I have a headache.
Amir: You're spritz technique to my floor wet, okay? And I slipped and fell chest first., shattering the bottle in between my ribcage and the floor. Uh oh!
Jake: So tend to it. Take a shower. Change your clothes. You know you smell awful, right?
Amir: Yeah! I figured I would reek. That's why I bought another friggin' bottle, okay? Did a few more spritzes. stststststststststs Two on the wrist. Two on the wrist. One on the eyebrow, eyebrow, behind the ear, behind the ear. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.
Jake: Stop! That's so many spritzes.
Amir: Yeah, exactly! That's why my floor is wet again. slipped and fall again, this time on my back. Shattering the bottle in between my back and the floor. Uh oh! 14 years of bad luck. laughs No, I'm just kidding, that's mirrors. Laugh! Laugh at that! Okay? I don't make a lot of good jokes, I'm the first to admit it. But when I do, you gotta give me some taps. You gotta gimme that atta boy.
Jake: Right, okay. Look man, stay calm, I'm calm.
(Amir starts constantly interrupting Jake)
Amir: I am.
Jake: I'm on your side-
Amir: Me too.
Jake: Alright, let me talk-
Amir: okay.
Jake: I just have one piece-
Amir: Yeah.
Jake: of advice to tell-
Amir: Tell me the advice.
Jake: Don't do this-
Jake and Amir: as mumble listening thing.
Amir: I'm not.
Jake: Okay?
Amir: Yeah.
Jake: Where did you even learn that technique.
Amir: Youtube tutorial. Just tell me exactly what to do.
Jake: Well let me finish talking.
Amir: I'm going to. Yeah.
Jake and Amir: mumbles talking- actively- listening thing.
Jake: Throw away your shirt!
(Amir's shirt is off in a flash)
Jake: Wow! That was f***ing fast!
Amir: Are you happy now?
Jake: How did that happen so quickly?
Amir: Funny you should ask. laughs (Amir starts spraying himself with body spray) I actually learned it from a homeless guy who used to sort of do this kinda stuff for nickels. You know, nickels, dimes...
Jake: What are you doing?
Amir: Body spray! Okay, you never said jack about body spray!