TALENT SHOW
INTRO
JAKE: You're watching—
AMIR: Hurry up, okay? I'm bored!
JAKE: You're slowing us down.
AMIR: That's true.
AMIR: (Hanging up Talent Show sign and quietly singing to himself in an office) ...like, we like to party, we like the party...
(Jake walks in)
AMIR: Oh! Here for the talent show?
JAKE: You know I'm not here for the talent show, Man.
AMIR: Well, then ya can just beat it, 'cause everyone here (brief pause) got talent.
(Zooms out to reveal an empty office)
JAKE: Nobody showed up, okay? Be at peace with that.
AMIR: I dunno where I went wrong, Man.
JAKE: If you're venting, I will stop and let ya vent—
AMIR: It's just, like, one of those things where, like, nobody's specifically to blame.
JAKE: N-no, you're specifically to blame, just because the fliers that you put up where um at best blatantly racist and at worst...illegal.
AMIR: Yeah, well, got people talking, didn't it?
JAKE: Mostly about how appalled they were. I mean, you wrote a 'w' on each one of your butt cheeks, bent over, and took an incredibly high res photo of your anus so it spelled "wow".
AMIR: Correctly.
JAKE: Not impressive.
AMIR: But provocative, like Nike's Write The Future campaign which got people into soccer.
JAKE: Why did you build the entire thing as The World's First Non-Filipino Talent Show?
AMIR: What?
JAKE: Did you not hear me or are you actually confused?
AMIR: (Shrugs shoulders) Both I guess.
JAKE: In every e-mail you sent out, every tweet ya tweeted, every Facebook message that you bombarded everyone in the office with, you said "The World's First (Amir joins in) Non-Filipino Talent Show.
AMIR: Right...
JAKE: So you remember?
AMIR: Yeah, just to keep the Filipinos at bay.
JAKE: Why? There's only one Filipino guy in our entire office. Why would you call him out like that? By the way, he's a really great juggler.
AMIR: He's alright, yeah he auditioned, he was just like, I dunno, a lot of it was stuff I've seen before; three ball, four ball, five ball...
JAKE: What were you gonna do?
AMIR: Great question! Daily show type theatrics only a little bit eh right of center, a lot of smoke and mirrors and political potty humor stuff, with a pop culture slant geared toward skewering the left.
JAKE: That makes no sense.
AMIR: I was gonna swallow a kielbasa and puke all over the front row, like frickin' Gallagher or something.
JAKE: Alright, I used to think you were like misunderstood, but deep down a good guy—
AMIR: Thank-you.
JAKE: Y'know, well let me finish—
AMIR: I appreciate that.
JAKE: I appreciate that you appreciate it,
AMIR: Yeah...
JAKE: but I'm not done talking.
AMIR: I just-I really needed to hear that positive stuff because—
JAKE: Okay, well, Ii just want you to know that I'm not trying to comfort you and I might actually insult you by the time I'm done talking.
AMIR: This talent show
JAKE: You...
AMIR: just didn't go well
JAKE: I don't think—
AMIR: and like—
JAKE: You are not good!
(Amir looks disappointed)
JAKE: Okay?
AMIR: Okay.
JAKE: Okay, I'm-hey, no, look you're... Amir, you're not good, you're great, alright? And I am here for the talent show.
(Amir smiles)
JAKE: Me and Ryan! Ryan, get in here!
(Filipino Ryan walks in)
(Amir looks in disbelief)
JAKE: Look at this, this kid can juggle, boy outtie! (Laughs)
AMIR: (Laughs weakly) Get the fuck outta here, Lying Rying! Okay?!
JAKE: Okay, okay—
AMIR: You know what this means?! It means NOT welcome! (Holds up flier with his anus on it)
JAKE AND RYAN: Ahhh! Oh wow!
THE END
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QuIfOhNZVo