INTRO Amir - (in German accent) Hi, you're watching Jake and Amir in Germany.
Jake - OK.
Amir - The governator.
Jake - Yup.
(Amir and Jake are at a gym, on treadmills)
AMIR: All right, tell me the point of this again.
JAKE: There's is no point, OK? You followed me here. I begged you to leave, you're not even a member.
AMIR: Yeah, I'm staying in shape. Round. (chuckles) OK, but when Roseanne Barr says it, you crack up.
JAKE: No, I didn't.
AMIR: I did! I did, OK? I laughed my head off.
AMIR: You're not running, you're--
JAKE: I'm power-walking. It's better for you. Good for your core, and it burns more calories.
AMIR: More calories than running?
JAKE: No, than sitting.
AMIR: Check it. Half the effort, twice the reward.
JAKE: Looks like none of the effort, your legs are just split over the treadmill.
AMIR: Yeah, well according to this machine, I've already burned 310 calories, so...twinkie time!
JAKE: That's a hotdog.
AMIR: It's cream filled!
JAKE: Twelve miles per hour, huh? Slow down!
AMIR: I don't slow down, I speed up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
(Amir throwing up)
AMIR: That is a death machine, man.
AMIR: What's your record for longest treadmill run?
JAKE: It's only 2 miles, but I usually do other stuff for cardio like kickboxing or zumba.
AMIR: Zumba?
JAKE: Kickboxing, I said. (slaps Amir's chest) Ooo...nut shot!
AMIR: Check it out. Walking backwards.
JAKE: Yeah, well it's not that impressive because you're going really slow.
AMIR: Yeah, well I'll FALL IF IT GOES ANY FASTER!
JAKE: Shhh! Shhh! (steps off his treadmill and over to Amir) You have to be quiet, OK?
AMIR: I'm going to!
JAKE: Shut up. Amir, I'm stopping the machine--
AMIR: I'm goo--
JAKE: I'm stopping the machine.
AMIR: Want a sip?
JAKE: Is that soda?
AMIR: Better! It's an experimental energy drink that my cousin Leron is trying to copyright called 'lazer'. It's like fifty hour energy, WOO!
JAKE: What's in it?
AMIR: He basically boils down like a case of soda pop down to its corn syrup, then he adds sugar in the raw--
JAKE: No, thank you.
AMIR: OK, well let me FINISH--with the ingredient list, sorry but you sound like the frickin' FDA.
JAKE: You know, I can tell you're not running.
AMIR: Yes, but can the ladies tell?
JAKE: Yup. A girl just came over here and said that if you're not going to use the treadmill then she wants to get on.
AMIR: OK, I'm sorry, but she was a fat bitch.
AMIR: Then he takes candy corn and melts it down to the raw, and a bottle of Aunt Jemima's maple syrup and melts it down to the raw. Then he takes one of those big lollipops, that you can only get at Disney Land and melts it down--
JAKE: --to the raw.
AMIR: Yeah! To the frickin' raw!
AMIR: Here we go! Shoeless Joe Jackson! Shoeless Joe Jackson back on the horse baby!
(Amir throwing up again)
AMIR: Two times, two times in one session! What are the odds?
JAKE: Really high when you eat as many kielbasas as you do.
AMIR: I don't know, but I've been told...
JAKE: You gotta be quiet, dude.
AMIR: You gotta be quiet and mighty old. Sound off.
JAKE: Shh! Shh!
AMIR: Sound off.
JAKE: Shut up!
AMIR: Sound off, shh, shh, SHUT UP!
THE END.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIjhzZz8X5g