[Intro]
JAKE: Hey you're watching Jake and Amir.
AMIR: Washing Jake and Amir?
JAKE: I said watching.
AMIR: What is? The shower?
[Amir talking to Murph and David]
MURPH: He said uhm, Pat just lost control of the longboard and then the Camry came out of nowhere...
AMIR: Two-door or four-door?
DAVID [to Amir]: You're missing the point.
[Jake walks over to group, singing]
JAKE: You guys gotta learn how to be funny. You gotta learn how to be [unzips jacket to reveal new shirt that says "You gotta learn how to be funny"] funny.
AMIR: Oh no!
JAKE: Oh yeah!
DAVID: Jake, Pat was in a serious car accident, so...
JAKE: Did the other driver need to learn how to be funny? [Unzips jacket again, only gets an enthusiastic response from Amir, rezips jacket looking disappointed.]
MURPH: What?
JAKE: I asked if he was okay. I said, "is Pat okay?" and then you guys stared at me like I was Great Caesar's ghost.
DAVID: His brothers are at the hospital right now but uhm...
JAKE: But uhm Busted Tees.
DAVID: What?
JAKE: I said it's great that his family is there. That's really important you know to be there for him but you can buy the funny shirt at Busted Tees and that's, we're done talking about it. His life is hanging by a thread. Speaking of threads [unzips jacket again]
AMIR: I will buy one.
JAKE: That's one! Can I get another? Can I get another? To the highest bidder.
AMIR: Me.
JAKE: Not the time
AMIR: Okay.
JAKE: Not the time. Not right now. Email me later about the shirts.
AMIR: I'll buy the shirt right now.
JAKE: I hate to say this, honestly, but Amir's the only one not being a butt hound right now.
DAVID: Okay, calm down.
JAKE: I am calm, all right. I'm pissed! Some drunk driving f-wad killed our friend. Is he gonna be fine or what?
DAVID: He's not gonna be fine, but he's not dead.
JAKE: If he's not dead then why are we stressed out, okay?
AMIR: Thank you.
DAVID: He may not walk again.
JAKE: Oh my God then I have the perfect thing for him. It's called a t-shirt and you don't need legs to wear one. All you need to do is...
AMIR: You gotta learn how to be funny
JAKE: HAHA don't. All right? You're not exactly great at bringing street cred to things.
DAVID: Okay, I think you should go home. Both of you should go home.
AMIR: Jake, let's go, he's right
JAKE: No trust me man, I'd love to go home. I would love to. But then you guys would guaranteed stop talking about the shirts.
AMIR: That's true
[Murph's phone rings]
JAKE: Don't pick that up man, we're in the middle of talking.
MURPH: It's Pat's brother.
JAKE: Oh my god you can call him back. Does your phone have caller ID?
MURPH: Yeah. It's a cell phone. Every cell phone has caller ID.
AMIR: Mine doesn't.
JAKE: His doesn't. All right, look, don't pick that up 'cause you're about to be a douche...
[Murph picks up phone]
MURPH: Hello?
JAKE: Bag! Ballsy move.
MURPH: Okay guys, Pat's gonna be all right.
[David sighs in relief]
JAKE: Well lah de fricken [fart noise with mouth]
[Amir laughs]
JAKE: I was hit by a bus this morning and you guys haven't said anything, all right? Sorry I'm not a poondoggle about it.
Link to video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi1eqtCVYl8