INTRO:
JAKE: You're watching Jake and Amir--
AMIR: Nah, stop, it's ruined.
JAKE: Yeah, you ruined it.
AMIR: Exactly!
[Jake is at his desk playing Angry Birds on his computer.]
JAKE: This is what money is. This is money now. FUUDge that!
(Amir walks up to him.)
AMIR: Ohh, hey there. Do I look more.. confident to you? That's cuz I spent all of last night at a crash Karate course.
JAKE: You look tired.
AMIR: I feel alert. (Jake throws some socks at his face, and he doesn't react.) Attack me.
JAKE: I just did.
AMIR: N-n-no I'm saying get up, and punch me in the face! If ya got the cojones, brothers!
(Jake stands up and almost punches Amir in the face, stopping his fist right before it would have hit Amir.)
AMIR: Oooh, didn't think you had the guts, Mike O'Malley! Let's go to mo!
JAKE: So you didn't learn anything.
AMIR: Alright, pretend you have a gun now.
JAKE: I'd like to go back to work.
AMIR: Just pretend you have a gun and try to shoot me in the face?
(Jake holds a finger gun up to Amir's head.)
AMIR: You don't wanna do this dance, partner! I'm afraid you're (Jake fake shoots Amir, who dodges with his head far too late) gonna be too slow on the draw--
JAKE: I shot you.
AMIR: Well try again then, because I guarantee.. this one (Jake fake shoots him again, and Amir dodges too slowly again) WON'T be as successful, didn't think so--
JAKE: You're not even doing anything to try to disarm me--
(Amir takes out a Swiss Army Knife and stabs Jake in the stomach.)
JAKE: AUGH! AAH! Oh my God!
AMIR: (singing) Take that, dancing queen...
JAKE: Oh my God I'm gonna die now! You just killed me, dude!
AMIR: Well then you shouldn't mess with the bull!
JAKE: You killed me, man...
AMIR: Cuz then you're gonna get the horns for free (he puts his fingers up by his head to make horns, and scrapes his feet on the ground like a bull about to charge). Here we go, one more time--
(David rushes to Jake's side.)
DAVID: Oh my God, Jake. Someone call 911!
(The camera zooms in on Amir, as Dancing Queen fades in with a lot of reverb.)
(The music stops, and the video cuts to Amir waking up at his desk.)
AMIR: Euh, Ja-- oh, Jake, I had the weirdest, funniest dream.
DAVID: (kneeling by Jake, who is being treated by two emergency doctors (Vikram and Cassidy).) How could you have possibly fallen asleep during all of this?
AMIR: You try teaching an all-night Karate course, alright, and see how easy it is for you to stay awake!
DAVID: You taught it?
AMIR: No, I didn't frickin'-- I'm talking about my sensei, man, that guy is a god!
END.
OUTRO:
AMIR: (crying) I think something's wrong with me, man, I think I have mono. Can one of you doctor guys, preferably the male one, look at me? I think I have a legit freaking mono right now.