Amir: Laugh you're alive!
Jake: ...OK, anyway you're watching Jake and Amir.
Amir:...alive!
Amir: OK, you know what? I don't get it. Because stay-at-home mom is the politically correct term.
Jake: Right, but you yelled Stay at home mom and you were talking to my mom.
Amir: I will never understand the..Holly shit Doobs is here!
Jake: What?
Doobs:Hello Amir
Amir: Doobs.
Jake: Doobs?
Doobs: My name is Penis Anthony Doubineux.
Jake: And the nickname you gave him to make fun of him was Doobs?
Doobs: Pretty funny right? It's like his last name but shorter.
Jake: What's he doing here?
Doobs:I, Penis Anthony Doubineux...
Jake: We heard your name.
Doobs: ...was next door neighbors with Amir while growing up.
And although his father managed to kiss a lot of people, on the mouth...
Amir: No!
Doobs:...and move around everywhere, Amir managed to make my life a living hell.
Amir: So why are you here Doobs?
Doobs: I finally made it. Not for twenty minutes ago I have officially auditioned for a Broadway musical.
Jake: Wow, did you book it?
Doobs: We won't know for a couple of weeks, but they flat out told me, in the room: Nooo!
Jake: So you do now right now. Why did you come here?
Doobs: To tell Amir that I made it.
Jake: As what? A failed actor?
Amir: As someobody with the audacity and heart to go after what they love.
Jake: wait, why are you taking his side now?
Amir: cause he's got moxie. You know what moxie is? (Points towards his groin)This is moxie!
Jake: That's your dick!
Amir: I wish I had a fork and a knife to eat every single word I've ever spoken to you but instead all i have are this chopsticks...
Jake: How?
Amir:...so I'm just gonna eat the big words and eventually I'll shamefully ask for a spoon and scoop the small words into my mouth.
Jake: Why are you so jealous of him? You have a good job.
Amir Yeah but i don't have the nootsack to audition for a legit Broadway musical.
Jake: You've auditioned for many musicals.
Amir: Oh, Cats doesn't count.
Jake: Penis, what did you auditioned for?
Doobs: Cats!
Amir: Mhh! That hurts.
Jake: OK you know what? Maybe you guys don't hate each other because you are so different, but you, in fact, hate each other because you're actually really...
Doobs and Amir: No! No! No!
Jake: OK, alright...(Gets attacked by Doobs)