INTRO:
AMIR: (in a strange unknown accent) Hola, sir wachin Jake and Amar.
JAKE: Not Spanish.
AMIR: Wasn't trying to be.
[Jake, Murph, and Rosie are sitting in chairs in a break room.]
MURPH: Do you guys remember how small our dicks were in high school?
(Rosie laughs)
JAKE: In high school, yeahyeah.
MURPH: God, it was like..
JAKE: I had the peenie-- the teeniest tiny little thing.
MURPH: Seriously.
ROSIE: Yeah, I'm just so happy there wasn't, like, sexting back then, cuz I would just like--
JAKE: Oh, man--
ROSIE: --my tiny dick would be all over the internet, like--
(All laugh.)
(The sound of a door closing is heard. The camera cuts to Amir, who has just entered the room, with a completely blank expression.)
AMIR: Hey.
JAKE: Hey, what's up, man?--
AMIR: Where are you, man?
JAKE: ...I'm right here! You can see me, right?
AMIR: Yeyeah. I know.
JAKE: Coo'.
AMIR: Very cool.
JAKE: Okay.
AMIR: Ok.
(There is a pause in the conversation.)
AMIR: Can I hang out f--
JAKE: So I'll see you later!
AMIR: --for a little- I'll see ya!
AMIR: (holding up a peace sign) Pea'.
(Jake makes a peace sign back.)
AMIR: Say it!
JAKE: Peace out.
AMIR: (holding up a curved peace sign) Pea'.
(Jake's phone vibrates and beeps once.)
AMIR: What was that?
JAKE: My phone vibrated.
AMIR: Text, or.. email,?--
JAKE: I dunno.
AMIR: (holding up a peace sign) Pea'.
JAKE: (to Murph and Rosie) Alright, so--
AMIR: (holding up a peace sign) Arriveder... Chi?
JAKE: (to Amir) Bad joke, see ya.
(Amir holds up a peace sign one more time, then turns to leave.)
JAKE: (to Murph and Rosie) Alright, high school. Remember like the hottest girl. If you think about it now, she's like fifteen. Isn't that weird, that you were-- s- One second. (to Amir) What's up, man? What are you doing?
AMIR: (still in the room, turning to face Jake) Leaving!
JAKE: You're just standing there!
AMIR: (pointing at the door handle) This door handle is so gay.
JAKE: Turn it!
AMIR: I don't even wanna touch it!
JAKE: (to Murph and Rosie) One second. (He gets up and walks over to Amir.) Okay, what's going on, man?
AMIR: Nothing, I just wanna hang out with you and your friends.
JAKE: Come on, we'll hang out later.
AMIR: NOT later, I wanna hang out now, I'm bored now!
JAKE: (sighs) You're not going to have any fun, ok?
AMIR: I'll have fun.
JAKE: You really wanna hang out with me and my friends?
(Amir nods.)
JAKE: Just know that I don't want you there. Murph and Rosie don't want you there. (AMIR: That's fine) But if you really want to go over there you can.
AMIR: Yes, I want to.
JAKE: Ok, even though none of us want you there.
AMIR: Mmhmm. Yes.
JAKE: Alright, fine, you can go sit down, but just kno--
AMIR: Aight then MOVE! (pushing past Jake to walk over to Murph and Rosie and sit down in Jake's chair)
JAKE: There you go. Ok. (He turns around and sits next to Murph, then addresses Murph and Rosie.) Amir's gonna hand out with us for a little bit.
AMIR: (holding his arms out and smiling) uEEIHHH! (laughs)
JAKE: But he has to leave soon, because he has to get back to work--
AMIR: No! I don't work... any of that stuff. Anyway, what are you guys talking about? Trucks,--
JAKE: [We were] Talking about high school.
AMIR: (laughing) I used to make Jackass-style videos in high school.
ROSIE: Oh really? (he and Murph laugh along) Me and my friends used to do that too.
AMIR: (laughing) Yeah, lots of grocery carts to-- (laughs) One time my friend Austin tried to like longboard off the side of a house onto like an empty pool, but his like truck got caught in a shingle and he ended up, like, clipping his head on the side of the pool. (laughs)
(All but Amir go ohhhh and laugh at the black humor.)
AMIR: (laughing) Yeah he ate shit so hard that he died.
(Everyone falls silent.)
MURPH: Jesus, man!
AMIR: (stuttering) Ss- Yeah, eeayhad like, they tried to like--
JAKE: What's wrong with you?
AMIR: What?
(Murph and Rosie get up and leave.)
JAKE: Why would you tell the story like that?
AMIR: Like what?
JAKE: Like it's this really funny story, but it turns out that it's this really really tragic incident?--
AMIR: Where are you? Where are you?
JAKE: I'm right here! Ok you made my friends leave!
AMIR: Oh, your friends, yeah, two guy- two best friends, they're still right here, huh? No, they left. You know what, I would never leave this room.
JAKE: I'm gonna go. (Gets up and leaves.)
AMIR: Where are we going? I'll go!
END.