[Introduction]
Jake: You're watching Jake and Amir.
Amir: No doubt!
Jake: Not cool.
Amir: I know.
[Jake and Amir at their desks, Amir is falling asleep]
Jake (sniffs to wake up Amir): Hey, any luck on the uh- soap or the body wash? I sent you you some links on Amazon.
Amir: Yeah, no man. But get this, I was cleaning out my desk earlier and found this IOU that you wrote.
(Amir holds up a piece of paper that reads: I.O.U. $1875)
Jake (standing up): I'm gonna go to lunch.
Amir (yelling): W-w-wait. Okay? I'm talking' to you!
Jake: What?
Amir: What! Do me the courtesy of looking me in my eye!
Jake: What do you want?
Amir: 1875 bucks, man. Huh? Plus shipping. Okay, a little less if it's in the continental US, which last time I checked, my internet wasn't hooked up, so I couldn't find the answer.
Jake: So let me get this straight. You were cleaning out your desk, which judging by the shit-stained khakis that are still right there, you've never actually done. And you found an IOU for the exact amount of that blow your own glass studio that you just bought on eBay?
Amir: It's a coincidence, to be sure.
(Amir salutes Jake)
Jake: What is this? (salutes)
Amir: It's a salute!
Jake: You're never gonna get your shit together to actually set that up and learn how to blow you own glass. Okay, here's a tip, don't take up any hobbies until you've learned how to wash yourself.
Amir: Alright, you're not getting a Mason jar.
Jake: You need a coal burning oven, by the way. If you want to blow you own glass you need to buy a coal burning oven.
Amir: Alright, how 'bout this. You give me the 1875 or I blackmail ya.
Jake: With what?
Amir: With what, Isn't blackmail alone bad enough? Now you want to know with what? How about I punch ya, man. Or you wanna know with what?
Jake: Just try to get out of buying the glass studio.
Amir (on phone): Mickey my friend, how are you? Ha ha! Yes. Long time, no time. I believe I'm going to have to pass on that glass studio. Yes, I'm going to have to pass on that glass, as they say. Laughs Yeah, my associate actually informs me that you need a coal burning oven which, you didn't quite tell me about, Mickey. You misled me Mickey, and I'm a little offended. Let me tell you something about myself, my friend: I do not cut corners. This is how I do it, yes on the glass studio, throw in an oven. Okay, if I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do this, then I can't start cutting corners on an oven Mickey. laughs The cheque? The cheque- I just handed the cheque off to the postman right now. (Amir gestures toward Jake and whispers) hand it off to a postman, hand it off to a fricki-
Jake: Mickey he's lying to you!
Amir (covers phone): My god, man! That is amaz- I'm writing a new song and that would be a perfect chorus!
Jake: A new song? What's your old song?
(Amir picks up a guitar and starts to strum)
Amir (singing): Mickey's lyin' an old man is dyin' and nobody's cryin' but you Mickey! Mickey! Mickey! Mickey! So...
Jake: That's awful.
Streeter: Dude, I really really liked that. What is-
Jake: Yeah, well I wrote it! I gave him the chorus, which I know is your favorite part!
Streeter: Well, not mumble not really.
(Amir starts playing guitar)
Amir and Streeter (sing): Mickey! Mickey! Mickey!
Jake: You're gonna say I didn't write that? How about this, I would love to make you a vase. I'll cut you an 1875 cheque right now if you give me one guitar lesson.
[After Collegehumour logo]
Amir (playing guitar): Mickey! Mickey!
(Jake joins in singing)
Amir: No no no!
Jake: I was getting it! It's my song! It's my song, I don't have to listen to you do it!
Streeter: Jake! Come on, let him play.
Amir (plays guitar): Here we go, ready? Mickey! Mickey!
(Jake joins in singing)
Amir: Don't sing!