Intro
Amir: You know I'll give you $50 to do these without me.
Jake: Fine
Amir: Nonononono
Hoodie: Alright Amir the first rule of free styling, you just gotta relax.. be chill.
Go back to the way you were, you're gonna have to teach me how to do that one day cos i'm pretty impressed.
But let's just get into the rap scene.
Hoodie: Everytime I spit I just knock it out the ballpark king of all the animals from antelope to aardvark, pardon all the smalltalk everyti-
Amir: I'm an aardvark too bitch eating lots of ants wearing my aardvark shirt (no idea what amir says here) my aardvark pants, skeeting on your face make your nose all numb, there ain't nothin colder than aardvark cum.
Hoodie: Woooooo!
Amir: So...
Hoodie: Woah.
Amir: I know right.
Hoodie: You're dropping facts man, let's switch up the topic okay?
Amir: Ok, oh oh! I'm an astronaut bitch eating aardvark stew and eating aardvark meat with aardvark you and if an aardvark you you'd freeze your ass, aardvark jizz is frigid gas.
Hoodie: Ok new animal, alright?
Amir: Ok.
Hoodie: Tiger.
Amir: Fuck tigers, I'm an aardvark yo when an aardvark cums it tastes like snow-
Hoodie: Aardvark cums the coldest that you know. Kinda like it's been chilled 30 below. (Just noticed hoodie isn't rapping that last part, his lips aren't moving.)
Jake: Hey, yo, yo homies! Can you keep it down? For a second?
Hoodie: Jeez sorry.
Jake: It's fine, look I don't mind you guys been loud but you're being really crass.
Amir: I'm spitting the truth.
Jake: You're not actually you're talking about aardvark semen being really cold.
Hoodie: Coldest!
Jake: Why do you believe him?
Amir: Because it rhymes.
Jake: Look hoodie you're a pretty good rapper but neither of you guys are smart.
Amir:[Laughs]Rap battle, me vs you then.
Jake: No.
Amir: Why not?
Jake: Because it's not a battle, if I destroy you! Hoodie, a beat.
[Hoodie beat boxes]
Jake: Yooooooo, hahahaha! Pleased to meet you bitch it's about to get real!
Streeter: Shut up man, shut up.
Jake: Yo fuck you dude, what you talking bout wallis?
Amir: Wallis?
Jake: Yeah, you know like the show? What you talking bout wilms?
Amir: Wilms?
Jake: Willy, whatever they say in the fucking show dude.
Amir: Willis.
Jake: Willis nice you know it, that makes you cool.. not!
Amir: Alright forget it you win the rap battle.
Jake: No I don't wanna win it like that, that's gonna make me feel worse okay please don't do that, don't pity me. Give me another beat.
[Hoodie beat boxes]
Jake: We're going down down baby, low street(?) in a range rover street sweeper aardvark cock ready to-
Amir: That's a song already.
Jake: Yeah it's Nelly, and if I can sing the Nelly song then I'm as good of a rapper as he is.
Amir: That's not how it works, and you weren't even saying the words right.
Hoodie: Most of your words were out.
Amir: Different..
Hoodie: Yeah..
Jake: I'm feeling real sick actually honestly that's probably why I was offbeat. I have a headache because you guys were rapping I hope you feel bad, I'm gonna go home, how much do you charge for lap lessons?
Amir: Laplessons? Hoodie: What?
Jake: Rap lessons!
Amir: You said lap lessons.
Jake: Oh I misspoke, hey you come into the office any other day of the week and he's the weird one!