INTRO
Jake - Hey you're watching Jake and Amir... Flawless-
Amir - Flawless victory.
Jake - Dammit.
Amir - Sorry.
EPISODE
Amir - (walks in and locks door)
Jake - Did you just lock the door?
Amir - Alright, I left this (suggestion box) on my desk for 2 days so let's
see what people really think about me.
Jake - Just remember to have thick skin, alright-
Amir - My skin is FINE alright, so shut it. You know I'm sensitive about that kind of stuff.
Jake - What kind of stuff?
Amir - Stuff about me. (makes a fist)
Jake - Don't hit me, please. Don't hit me.
Amir - Ugh, this box is like jammed, do you have scissors or something?
Jake - No, I don't just carry scissors around with me.
Amir - Whoa, ok you don't have to tell me twice. Heheh. GIVE ME THE SCISSORS.
Jake - So I do have to tell you twice.
Amir - Yeah, alright. You know, just give me your scissors and we'll call it even... Unless you want another one of these (make a fist).
Amir - Alright, first one is a joke, so I'm gonna pass on that grass.
Jake - What's it say?
Amir - It says "You should work harder, you're never at work on time and I often see you doing stuff that isn't related to your job". Heheh, someone's goofin' me. (stuffs paper in mouth).
Jake - Don't.
Amir - Hi, my name's Dan from the Witness Protection Program, can I have your scissors sir?
Jake - That doesn't even make any sense.
Amir - Ok, this one's got to be a goof. "I reek of garbage." Uh, not a suggestion.
Jake - It says right there you should shower regularly.
Amir - (Hahaha) Ok, if you don't know the difference between a goof and a real suggestion you should just leave.
Jake - Alright, I'll go.
Amir - That was a goof.
Amir - Alright, this one's upside down, I shall discard it, AS A GOOF.
Jake - "When you walk into the office, it literally feels like I'm being water-boarded with diarrhea, the stench of a billion farts."
Amir - Jesus, that one... (pats chest) THAT WAS A GOOF.
Amir - Oh what's that game? Rock, paper,...
Jake - Scissors.
Amir - HAH.
Jake - Doesn't mean I have them.
Amir - (in goofy voice) This one's a real goooof says Goofy. Hahah.
Jake - It just says "die".
Amir - (does Goofy laugh).
Amir - Ahh, let's see the next goof.
Jake - You've taken to calling them goofs before you even read them.
Amir - (looks at suggestion) Yeah, that's a goof. (looks at ground sadly)
Amir - This one's not so bad, "More healthy options in the vending machine".
Jake - Alright, I think someone didn't understand the concept behind your-
Amir - Yeah well I'm gonna make this one my mission, ok! What good would it be to ignore all of these?
Jake - What about every single other one?
Amir - Those are-
Jake and Amir - Goofs.
Jake - Right.
Amir - Yeah, they're goofy.
Amir - (looking at ground sadly)
Jake - So are you going to keep breathing or no?
Amir - Oh what's the point, ok. Each one of these pieces of paper is a tiny little reminder that I'm not good enough. That I gotta change something.
Jake - Then why did you make a suggestion box?
Amir - I was hoping, it would be empty.
Jake - No more suggestions, did you learn anything?
Amir - Yeah, I learned I need a new job, one that's far away from these losers.
Jake - That's fine. That was one of the suggest-
Amir - Yeah you're right, I'll stick it out.
Jake - Didn't say that.
Amir - Whoa, what's that? (reaches for Jake's back pockets).
Jake - Get off me!
Amir - Give me your sciss- (finds scissors) So you had scissors.
Jake - Give them back, alright! You always get them sticky.
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