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Ransom

Episode ID: 388

Air date: 2011-01-04

Video: Link

Scribe: u/Katesco

Introduction:

Amir: Hey you're watching chick and Amir. See it sounds exactly the same.

Jake: No it doesn't.

[Jake sits down at his desk. Amir is clearly hiding underneath his. Jake starts reading from a crumpled up ransom note on his desk.]

Jake: If you ever want to see your friend Amir again, you will give me three zillion dollars.

[Jake crumbles up paper and tosses it in the trash]

Amir: Hey!

[Amir hits his head on the bottom of the desk]

Amir: Ow! What the heck man? What if that was real?

Jake: I could see you hiding under your desk. There were a lot of typos in there by the way

Amir: Okay, you try finding every letter.

Jake: You couldn't find an N or an O?

Amir: I was limited. All right. I had one "Guns and Ammo" mag and that's it.

Jake: There's no E in your by the way.

Amir: There's no E in team either, bro.

Jake: You're mixing up that metaphor. Why do you have a "Guns and Ammo" magazine?

Amir: It came free with my gun, [He pulls out his gun and pulls the slide back] and my ammo! Ha ha! No, but just the gun though.

Jake: Is that real?

Amir: No! I paid 23 hundred dollars for a fake Kimber stainless Raptor 2. [Pulls the slide back again] Ha ha. It's very real. [Points the gun at Jake]

Jake: That makes me real nervous man.

Amir: [Still pointing the gun] Yeah, I would be nervous too. All right. A .45 caliber, 5 inch, match grade steel barrel hand fitted by Kimber himself, pointed straight at my gut hole!

Jake: I don't have a gut hole.

Amir: Well this'll make one brotha! Say goodnight! Pfffff! [Pretending to shoot the Jake]

Jake: Easy! Don't point that thing at me!

Amir: You easy okay! There's no bullets in this thing idiot!

Jake: Please put that down.

Amir: Do you trust me?

Jake: No.

Amir: Do you trust me?

Jake: NO.

Amir: [Pulling the slide and pointing the gun at his head] Then I'm gonna pull the trigger.

Jake: Okay I trust you all right. Put it down.

Amir: Well if you trusted me, you wouldn't say put it down.

Jake: I do trust you!

Amir: DO YOU?

Jake: Yes! I don't know! Yes.

Amir: Why are you nervous if you trust me?

Jake: I don't know okay!

Amir: Then you don't trust me and I'm gonna pull it! In 3...2...

Jake: Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop! I do trust you, all right?

Amir: Then if you do trust me, pull it yourself. [Amir leans over the desks and now Jake is holding the gun to Amir's forehead]

Jake: I don't wanna do that man!

Amir: Trust me! Pull it!

Jake: I can't!

Amir: You can!

Jake: I can't dude!

Amir: Ay look! Look at me! I'm telling you, there's no bullets. Pull the trigger!

[Jake breathing heavy for a few seconds. Cut away to Pat listening to music having no idea what is going on. Jake breathes heavy again]

Amir: You pussy!

Jake: I can't do it! [Letting go of the gun]

Amir: Then I'll do it!

[Before Amir puts the gun to his head, Jake shoves Amir's hand upward just as a bullet shoots out into the ceiling]

Amir: There was one bullet in it okay. Sue me.

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