INTRO:
JAKE: What's up? You're watching Jake and Amir.
AMIR: HA now you're all like what's up!
JAKE: What?
AMIR: You're a joke, man.
[Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks. Amir is typing on his laptop and laughing.)
JAKE: Hey- dude! I'm not gonna ask you again. Stop responding to this email thread.
AMIR: Oh, you're getting them?
JAKE: Yes! We're getting them! Are you not getting them? Eleven people have replied and asked you to stop!
AMIR: Stop what? We're having a good time!
JAKE: Darren's fiance is in the hospital.
AMIR: Okay... didn't know that.
JAKE: How could you not know that, this entire thread has been about that.
AMIR: That's not true, a lot of my emails are about other., stuff.
JAKE: No! They're not, and they're really offensive! Like you said I got a gift idea: a new fiance, because his is broken. Does anybody have the number for the slut store? I left mine in Darren's dick LOL. What does that mean?
AMIR: (pauses and holds his arms up like Jake doesn't get it) It doesn't mean anyth- it's a joke! It's a joke!
JAKE: Is it? Is this one also a joke? I saw Darren's fiance eating a cockmeat sandwich last night. Need proof? See attached pic., with no picture attached.
AMIR: Ok I followed up on that.
JAKE: You did, five seconds later you said Sorry for the bogus attachment, y'all. Click here to see Darren's finance--spelled that wrong...
AMIR: Auto-corrected.
JAKE: It's not. You said Click here to see Darren's finance in all her glory holes., but there's no link. Five seconds later you follow up with a link to a random GeoCities page that says Under Construction.
AMIR: Yeah, I started that in seventh grade. Gave up on it, right quick. (laughs)
JAKE: Ok, well either way--
AMIR: You know I've been thinking about dusting it off, you know taking it out for a spin again, maybe turning it into like a webzine, or like a fanzine of sorts--
JAKE: For what?
AMIR: (mocking Jake). For what?. Can I ask you a question, why do you never believe in me?
JAKE: Focus. Alright this is the last thing I'll say, and it's not directly related to this specific thread, but you gotta change your email signature, man.
AMIR: Why?
JAKE: (The camera shows a shot of Amir's signature, which is ASCII art of a naked woman posing on her knees, with Amir written underneath.) It's porn.
AMIR: It's art!
JAKE: Barely.
AMIR: Alright want me to teach you? The trick is to do Shift-2 when you want to draw a pussy. Now, let's talk about that fanzine for a sec. I'm gonna lobby you some ideas and you say Yes! if they're good, Totally!, if they're bad, and I love it! if you love it.
JAKE: Ok so yes, totally, and I love it?
AMIR: Yea.
JAKE: Alright, so it sounds like you're just trying to protect yourself against negative feedback.
AMIR: Yea I don't like negativity.
JAKE: Really? You could've fooled me, cuz you just sent this email, five seconds ago, while we were talking, and it's Darren's fiance with a skull and crossbones Photoshopped above her head, and it says Rest In Pieces.
AMIR: (Agitated) Ok you gotta believe me, man. I got a photo of her eating a cockmeat sandwich, I was just too afraid to send it out. I'll put it on the fanzine!
END.