INTRO
Jake: You're watchin' Jake and Amir--
Amir: Oooh, you're watchin' you're so cool
Jake: Come on...
Amir: You try too hard
(both walking to desks)
Jake: So what'd the doctor say?
Amir: It was like a clean break, so it couldn'tve actually punctured--
Jake: Don't make me feel like a jerk.
(they approach Patrick standing with Bake Sale sign)
Patrick: Hey guys!
Jake: Hey
Patrick: Bake sale! Muffins, cookies, chocolate roundies, we're raising money for my sister's friend. She's very sick.
Amir: Yeah how much for a cookie? (puts cookie in mouth)
Patrick: Uh- cookies are a dollar.
Amir: (with cookie in mouth) A dollar, are you kiddin-haha-you'd have to pay me to eat another, here! (bites cookie) Give me money!
Patrick: Well, anything you can give.
Jake: I'm not hungry but um, sounds like a good cause man, here. (reaches for money) Have uh, have twenty. (hands Patrick the money)
Patrick: (droned out by Amir) Thank you
Amir: Wawait if you're gonna give him twenty dollars at least let me load up ok, don't just do it for free- let's see, a twenty dollars, at like, a dollar a cookie, and we gave you twenty, so that, turns out to be like one plus so that's close to like-- (puts his hand in the cake and begins to make jestures with it while talking)
Patrick: Stop ruining the cake!
Amir: Wha- We already paid for it, ok? We gave you twenty bucks and for twenty bucks I could go like this if I wanted to. (squeezes a fistful of cake)
Patrick: Jake gave me twenty dollars
Amir: You want competition?
Patrick: No
Amir: You want competition?
Patrick: I said no!
Amir: Then I'll give you a competition
Patrick: I said no!
Amir: I'm gonna have a bake sale giveaway.
Patrick: What is that?
Amir: Free cookies, free brownies, cakes will be four dollars because it'll be really worth it because it's a sick recipe but free pies! For everything else, there's mastercard.
Jake: It's not about having the better cake, it's about having the better cause.
Amir: (laughing) The better cahaha-- I'm gonna have such cause you won't even believe it!
Patrick:...What is it?
Amir: Awareness. OOOHHHH (flipping a plate of food) Amir drops the bomb!
Jake: Come on now man.
Amir: What, I'm sure Pat's just making this whole thing up so he can make some money on the side, right Pat?
Jake: No, Pat wouldn't do that, alright? He has to raise money for, what was her name?
Patrick: (looking surprised).......Starlet.
Jake: And what's her disease, again?
Patrick: uhhh, gum disease, she has gum disease.
Jake: Gingivitis, how old is she?
Patrick: Uh, she is 9 months old...
Jake: Ok, can I have my money back actually--
(Patrick runs through them and down the hall)
Amir: You know I didn't believe him at first but he had three very legit answers to all your questions. (takes bite of cookie, makes face and lets it fall to floor) It still really hurts to eat, 'cause like--
Jake: I'm sorry about the rib, alright man? (walks away, patting Amir's side with a cracking noise)
[CHAN CHAN] (college humor screen)
(cut to Patrick, holding up twenty and on the phone)
Patrick: Hey mom, it's pat-wawaidono, don't hang up, don't hang up, ok? This is good, this is a good thing, good phone call. Uhh, so I'm just calling to tell you, your son has come into some cold hard cash, through honest labor and uh, he, I-I got...yeah, no, I have it......it's-I'm holding the twenty dollar bill right now, it's real, ok?....Yes, it's real! ......No-I don't know, it's not-it's, yes it's green and it has the numbers on it, it's all there it's legit....You....What would that even do? Fine. EG-287-567-26D is that- what is that even gonna- how are we gonna know?...Don't--....Don't put Rori on...ha-th-.....Hey Rori, wow, how's it goin' man? God it's gotta be like ten O'clock there, what are you- what are you doin'?...Hey listen could you turn the music down?..It's really..What is that hip hop?...K, listen, uh, we don't need to do this.....yeah, you got- yeah, 726D I don't know what you're gonna-....Oh...Oh, really? (examines bill) Yeah, no, you know what, ah no it was 725D so, it is real....Ok?..or whatever....Yeah, or whatever!....Ok just put my mom back on...I'm just gonn- I'm gonna- I'm getting her a Christmas present with this, so it's all gonna-.....No I'm not like, I'm not conspiring to do anything, I'm--...Don't- Don't repor--...Yeah I know you have a brother.....and I-- Yeah I know what he does....Listen, just put my mom on, I-- Look I'm tearing it up now! (crumples bill in his hand) You hear that? It's gone, ok? (puts bill in pocket) It's gone for good, and you're never gonna see-- I'm throwing it in the garbage right now. Um, so just put my mom on, don't worry about it, and...Hello? Oh my god he hung up like five minutes ago. (checks phone) Alright, here we go again...Hey mom, uh, I know you're there 'cause we just talked, so I don't know why you wouldn't pick up this ti-
[End]
Couldn't find this one on youtube? Amir's injury in this ep is a reference to the previous episode, rock paper scissors.