INTRO:
JAKE: Hey you're watching Jake and Amir
AMIR: Sorry are you gonna finish that sandwich?
JAKE: That's the microphone.
AMIR: Well just give it to me!
(Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks. Amir is playing with a Rubik's Cube)
JAKE: Hey--
AMIR: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Speak!
JAKE: My cousin just sent me the new "Auto Tune the News" clip, and you know those creepy facebook wall posts you leave me?
AMIR: Yes.
JAKE: Like the ones late at night where you--
AMIR: Yes I remember, I don't-- you don't have to give me a history lesson.
JAKE: Well they're a song now.
(Jake plays a part of the song "Poke Me", and the accompanying video is shown. The included lyrics are: "Poke me (poke me) / Poke my wall (poke me) / Poke my face (poke me) / Poke my pictures (poke me) / Poke my videos / I want you to poke my status / And I want you to poke yourself / Go poke yourself")
(Jake stops the video.)
AMIR: What? Which cousin?
JAKE: That's not important.
AMIR: Evan? Johnny? Scott?
JAKE: Madeleine.
AMIR: Mad- Okay, [a] girl? So she's not your cousin!
JAKE: You can have female cousins.
AMIR: No I can't! Okay, both my parents are only children; you knew that.
JAKE: You have a cousin named Leron.
AMIR: He's adopted!
JAKE: By who?! Alright focus. Focus, okay. You're in an internet video.
AMIR: ...what.
JAKE: Lots of people are watching it and you look like a needy loser.
AMIR: You look like a jerk!
JAKE: I'm not even in the video. And trust me, if I were in an internet video, nobody would think I was a jerk.
AMIR: Ugh, this is not what I envisioned when they asked me for permission and I said yes.
JAKE: What?
AMIR: Yeah, they emailed me and asked if they could use my creepy videos to make a funny song out of it. Well, I'm not laughing!
JAKE: So they asked for your permission.
AMIR: (through laughter: "Asked for my!") They gave me final cut approval, okay? Three weeks ago they send me a rough and it just sat in my inbox. Yesterday, on a whim, I reply "I have no notes". I don't know what got into me; it just happened. Ninety minutes later they send me a final cut; I guess they made some last minute audio tweaks. I respond, sight unseen, "This is f***ing gold, I'm proud to know you guys. Love, Amir", and then, this thing!
JAKE: So this sounds like it's mostly your fault.
AMIR: Lemme just-- lemme see if I can ask them to take it down or something.
(Amir gets up and walks a few feet over to where the guys from Auto Tune the News (brothers Evan, Andrew, and Michael Gregory) are standing. They greet each other and Amir kisses Andrew's hand.
AMIR: I think that video's gotta go down or something.
MICHAEL: If you don't want it up then we'll take it down right away.
AMIR: Yeah that's true. I dunno, I feel bad.
ANDREW: We told you from the get-go, you've got total veto power.
AMIR: That's true. I dunno, it is catchy.
EVAN: Well, why don't you go take it down yourself? We made you an admin on the page.
AMIR: Shut up okay! Maybe-- Let's just keep it up at this point.
JAKE: Hey, before you turn around and tell me that they can't delete the video, just know that I heard that entire--
AMIR: Yeah it's a no-go on the vid going down, man, I'm sorry, I talked to them but they won't budge. They're being douchebags about it!
EVAN: (to Jake) It's not like that--
AMIR: (over Evan) --BAH, so.
ANDREW: (to Jake) He paid us money to do this.
AMIR: They didn't do that. No--
MICHAEL: (holding his phone) I just took it down.
AMIR: DON'T DELETE IT! Put it back up then! (Pulls phone out of pocket) I can actually, I'm an admin, right? (pronounces it "adMIN")
EVAN and MICHAEL: Yeah.
END.
OUTRO:
(The Gregory brothers and Amir are recording the vocals on an a capella cover of "Poke Me". Amir is singing the wrong lyrics, trying to put the lyrics of "Bed Intruder" in. Eventually Amir takes over.)
AMIR: (Singing to the tune of "Bed Intruder") You don't have to poke, I'll be poke. They're looking for poke. They're gon' find you. They're gon' find poke. And you can poke and--
MICHAEL: (singing falsetto) Shawty...
EVAN: That is... That's an *idea*.
AMIR: (mocking Evan's tone) It's a good *idea*. (Singing to tune of "Bed Intruder") So you can poke and tell-- You don't have to poke anywhere, I'm lookin' for poke! I'm gon'...(Normal speaking voice) Is- I can't really do it solo.
MICHAEL: (phone in hand) I just deleted it.
AMIR: Don't delete it, put it back up!
(Screen goes black)
MICHAEL: I just put it back up.