[INTRO]
Amir: Hey, you're watching me!
Jake: And me.
Amir: Well... mostly me, though, if you think about it.
[Amir is watching Jake eat a Kit Kat bar]
Amir: Can I have the rest of that bar -- that Kit Kat bar?
[Jake ignoring Amir]
Amir: [singing the jingle] Break me off a piece of that tick tack tart.
Jake: You obviously knew what it was called.
Amir: Just give me a break, man. [singing jingle again] Give me a break, man. Give me a break--
Jake: I only have one bar left.
Amir: Which means you've had three! So give me one! Give me one of your four bars. Just give me one of the four!
Jake: Fine! Fine! Here. Take it.
Amir: [taking bar] No thank you. You know what? On second thought, I don't really want it. I'm watching my weight -- watching it go up. [laughs] No, I'm going to toss it, though. [throws bar in trash can]
Jake: Why did you do that?
Amir: I had a second thought.
Jake: So give it back to me!
Amir: You already gave it up, okay? It was mine to throw away. I had a second thought; I didn't want it anymore; so I threw it away. What's it to ya?
Jake: It was my candy bar.
Amir: You gave it to me.
Jake: You took it from me!
Amir: I asked you for it and you gave it to me, so it was mine. I could have done whatever I want with it, alright? It's gone now. Forget it. Let it go. It's a sunk cost. Live life without the bar.
Jake: Fine!
Amir: [angrily yet quietly replying] Fine! Just, ughh... [talking to himself] So, if I eat it and two days later I take a crap and it goes in the toilet, he doesn't complain about that. But if I put it in the garbage now, then it's a bigger deal. I don't understand what the difference is. It's not his. It's gone. But he just latches on. He latches on and I can't let it get to me. I just have to let it go-- IT'S A FRICKIN' KIT KAT BAR, MAN! It's 99 cents! What do you want?! A quarter? You want a quarter for it, you're going to be that petty? Just forget it, man! Just pretend that I dropped it on the ground and I didn't want to eat it -- does that make you sleep at night?
Jake: Why don't we just move on?
Amir: Well, I'm not going to let you sit here and sulk about it, okay? Say something! You're obviously pissed!
Jake: Yes, I am pissed! I said I just wish you didn't throw it away.
Amir: Yeah? Well, sometimes wishes don't come true. I'm sorry.
Jake: Whatever.
Amir: I mean, when I was six I had a wish, too. I had a wish that everybody I knew would be dead. How's that for a wish?
Jake: I don't know -- selfish?
Amir: Bet you wish that one didn't come true.
Jake: Yeah.
Amir: You know, if you're gonna be a bitch about it, then here: [tossing Jake an unwrapped Kit Kat bar] A full Kit Kat bar. Enjoy that, ya bitch!
Jake: So why'd you want one of mine?
Amir: Okay, you know what? Here! [throwing more unwrapped Kit Kats at Jake] Take the whole lot! Jakey gets all the Kit Kats. Enjoy them, ya bitch!
Jake: Why do you have these?
Amir: Because I buy two or three a day and I save one, okay? But I bet you knew that already, didn't you, bitch?
Jake: I clearly didn't.
Amir: Alright, you know what? Here's an idea: We go bar for bar -- see who can eat the most candy.
Jake: You just said you were watching your weight.
Amir: Yeah! Watching it go up!
Jake: So, that wasn't even a joke?
Amir: [with mouth crammed full of multiple Kit Kat bars] Are we doing this contest, or not?!
[END]