INTRO Jake - Hey, you're watching Jak- get your hands out of my pockets.
AMIR: I'm looking for something!
JAKE: I don't care.
JAKE (to the tune of Caress Me Down): Mucho gusto, mi ilamo hungria. I'm hungria than Ron J- hey, does anybody want any food cos I'm ordering some
AMIR: SUP!
JAKE: You sure you wanna order get man? You got a lot of breakfast food left.
AMIR: Ok, that was like two days ago!
JAKE: Ok, so throw it away!
AMIR: Why are you yelling at me?
JAKE: You yelled at me first.
AMIR: That's fair.
JAKE: I'm ordering a turkey club, what do you want?
AMIR: I will be joining that turkey club for I shall be getting... a full turkey!
JAKE: Ok, but that's not what I'm gett -
AMIR (slamming hands on desk): OK, what are you -
JAKE: Hey, hey.
AMIR: Ok, does this place do wine? Because I'd be more than down to split a bottle with you
JAKE: No, they don't have wine.
AMIR: Like a Sovignon Blanc or like a Reisling?
JAKE: They don't have wine.
AMIR: Like a Shiraz or a Pinot Greej maybe? A Pinot Grigio?
JAKE: Yes, they do not have wine.
JAKE: Ok, you don't get to use the mouse anymore cos you're trying to check my email
AMIR: Damnit.
AMIR: Maybe like a Merlot. Like a really, really dry, like a super dry, just like a sweet fucking wine. Like a fucking Rose
JAKE: Why don't you just order on your computer, and I'll tell you what I want.
AMIR: Nah, my computer doesn't have internet.
JAKE: Today?
AMIR: ...sure.
AMIR: Alright, forget it. I'm not hungry.
JAKE: Ok, great.
AMIR: THAT WAS A TEST! You were gonna let me skip lunch?. I'm so underweight as it is.
JAKE: I know.
AMIR: I weigh 78 pounds.
AMIR: Uhhh I'm so hungry
JAKE: So jet me order your lunch
AMIR: I can't think straight, ok? Let's just order after lunch, I'm sorry.
AMIR: Ok, I'll have jam, tuna fish and cracked pepper, and then like vinegar on a chocolate croissant. And then just to drink just a keg of what coke is made of.
JAKE: Syrup?
AMIR: Yeah just the syrup and OH! You know how turkey pastrami is turkey with the pastrami seasoning around it? Can I have that but with twinkies?
JAKE: No.
AMIR: Ok.
AMIR: Alright, how much do I owe you? In -
Pennies fall out of Amir's wallet onto the desk.
JAKE: Ok, will you please just pay me in bills!
AMIR: Wow, what do I look like, Ira Glass?
JAKE: Kind of.
STREETER: Hey Jake, man, we're gonna go try out that new sandwich place dude, you in?
JAKE: Yeah, I am.
AMIR: No way, Joe Z.
STREETER: Also Amir, that pizza you ordered is here.
AMIR: Ok, just put it on my desk, let it cool off, this is taking forever anyway. And DON'T ask me for a slice.
The End.